It’s 8.27pm on the day this post is due and I have a dozen excuses for why I wasn’t going to make the deadline. But the biggest excuse is probably that I’m a mum and plans went astray and that none of those excuses will cut it with the audience and contributors on World Mom Blogs – because most of us are mums with our own daily battles to overcome.
I will tell you my excuses though, because it proves we never stop being mums, we never stop worrying about our children and sometimes they continue to drive us crazy with frustration, regardless of how old they are.
My twenty four year old son was a difficult teenager and never really got on with his step-dad, he’s been out of home for 8 years. He and his fiancé separated 18 months ago, with a baby in the mix to further complicate things. To say the last 18 months have been difficult for him to adjust to her leaving would be an understatement. His uncle on his dad’s side committed suicide last year and he took that badly too.
All of this drama in his life culminated in him getting evicted from his house early this year, and it’s been downhill since then. He moved in with his new girlfriend’s parents a few weeks ago and let’s suffice to say a whole series of drama and problems and stressing about his situation ended up with him losing his job.
Yes I’m now almost totally grey from stress and worry. Don’t be misled in thinking that once they move out and have their own families that the worry stops. This boy of mine has always been hard work, I love him to pieces but I continue to want to strangle him some days.
Work got crazy last Wednesday for me with a co-worker taking a sudden 5-week sick leave. I was immediately thrown into a Corporate Property Management role with no knowledge whatsoever of what I was doing. Massive workloads and plenty of stress – are you feeling sorry for me yet?
Thursday morning my son rings to say he and his girlfriend are having problems and can he come home. No money, no job and nowhere to live. Add in a stepfather who wasn’t keen on him coming home given their past history and I was worrying myself stupid. Grandson joined the mix for the weekend, so it was: hubby and I, eldest son, 18-year-old son and his girlfriend, 15-year-old son and 2 year old grandson squished into a 3-bedroom house.
It’s been a tough week, I’m tired, I’m strung out and I suddenly wish for the years long ago when the greatest stress my boys provided was them wrestling on the floor or fist fighting. Once upon a time I longed for them to get older and look after themselves.
Being a mum and caring and worrying – that never ends.
So while my excuses are valid to me they don’t really cut it for not doing something I said I would do – we all have drama to deal with, we’re mums and we battle on.
Coming home to live with mum had its rules, I told son to doorknock businesses with resume in hand until he found a job. No sitting on his butt claiming unemployment benefits in this house. Mum is always right, he got a call today and starts a new job tomorrow. He’s also gone to stay with his dad from tonight until he can find a new house – dad’s got more room for him.
So the week from hell has a happy result.
So my advice to all of you: enjoy the sibling rivalry, the battles, and the sleepless nights – because once you’re the mother of teenagers or adults, then you can throw grandchildren and partners in to further complicate the motherhood journey.
As much as I want to throw my boys in their rooms and tell them to pull their heads in and behave themselves, it’s not that easy anymore. How I wish it was.
Do your kids ever drive you crazy? What’s your biggest battle with them these days? What advice would you pass on to other mothers?
This is an original World Moms Blog post by Fiona from Inspiration to Dream of Adelaide, South Australia.
The photograph used in this post is credited to the author.
Do you ever find yourself saying things to your children and then realising that they’re your mother’s words coming from your mouth?
My mum was a big believer in making my brother and I wash the dinner dishes before going to bed. As a teenager this drove me absolutely crazy, and when I first moved out of home I reveled in the pure freedom of leaving my dirty dishes sitting on the kitchen sink and going to bed.
Fast forward to several years ago when I was a working mum with three teenage boys, and ‘dishes before bed’ became my mantra – they don’t like it any more than I used to, but their time will come.
What about the advice that it’s disrespectful to be late when you’re expected somewhere at a specific time; be it work, dinner, or even a party. I could never see the problem, I figured that at least we turned up, so better late than never. I had no idea why my mum was so strict on us being on time. (more…)
I have a dream. I believe all writers share this same dream – which is to someday publish their own book (all the better if it turns into a bestseller!).
But never in my imagination had I thought that this dream would materialize any time soon, at least not this year, not in the way it had happened.
It all started with a conversation with my friend. I can’t recall what we were talking about, but I casually mentioned to her that I hope to write a book on mompreneurship, a subject I’m passionate about.
To my surprise, she shared that a publisher had approached her to write about work life balance but given her commitments she didn’t feel she could take it up at that point (she’s founder of Mums@Work, a social enterprise in Singapore that helps moms find better balance between being moms and workers through flexi-work or starting their own business). Through my sharing, she saw the possibility of us working together and shortly after, an appointment with the publisher was set up. Things went well at the first meeting and soon we found ourselves signing an agreement with the publisher to work on the book. (more…)
As many of you know, my passion for taking pictures is tremendous. For the last year there wasn’t a day in which I didn’t take at least one picture. I decided to put my passion to work by opening a photography business. I haven’t been this excited in many, many months!
The idea of me getting out there, doing something I love, pursuing my dreams and fulfilling myself is very appealing. I have known for a long time now that being a stay-at-home-mom was not going to fulfill me and working full-time, outside the house is even less appealing.
While trying to determine what line of work I should go into, it became obvious the photography business is a perfect match for me. At the same time, I feel, doing something more with my photography skills is the best way of saying “Thank You” to all those people who inspired me, helped me, pushed me, and motivated me for the last few years.
During the last year I have learned a lot, I have mostly learned what I don’t know about photography and my skills, and there’s still a lot to learn and master, but I have also learned something else; “Nothing changes, if nothing changes”.
My first attempt to open a photography business failed. Probably because I was not prepared, but also because I was a first time mother with PPD, and with nothing else than a one lens camera. I had done a few free sessions for my portfolio and with each one I realized more, and more how unprofessional the pictures are and how awkward I feel doing those sessions. I came to the conclusion that this path is forever closed to me, and that I will never become a professional photographer. For the next two years I was OK with being just a clicking mom, but secretly I was dreaming that maybe one day… , some day… (more…)
The Australian media has been awash lately with stories about the new ‘useless generation.’ The new breed of young teenagers and adults who have no idea how to do basic things, and who rely heavily on Google and YouTube to find out how to do simple tasks like boil an egg or change a car tire or wash a load of clothes.
This story stopped me in my tracks because I find this at odds with my own experiences. I’ve never thought much about it until I saw this on the news the other night. My boys are 23, 17 and 15, and their father and I have always raised them to be independent, strong and self sufficient.
Everything my Mr Fix-it husband can do, they can do. We’ve always taught them life skills and how to do the important things in life. Basically, we’ve taught them how to look after things themselves.
I could quite happily leave them alone in our house for any length of time and know that they would manage our household just as my husband and I do. Maybe with a party or two, but that’s another post entirely. The thing is they are perfectly competent with cooking, cleaning, yard maintenance, and everything in between. (more…)
“I don’t want to do that.” She says, meeting my eyes through impossibly long lashes. Her look, direct, strong and almost fierce, isn’t disrespectful. I can’t quite place my finger on what it is, but it pulls at my heartstrings.
I smile her way, touch her shoulder, lean closer. “You have to try.” I whisper, “And we can talk about it after.” She looks down, slumps. Not the reaction I was going for. (more…)