NEVADA, USA: Taking Things Slow as a Single Mom

NEVADA, USA: Taking Things Slow as a Single Mom

My 5-year-old son has been making a lot of comments lately about my relationship with my boyfriend. He has asked him – a few times – if he’ll be his stepdad. He’s mentioned the boyfriend moving in with us. He’s trying to make this relationship move forward a lot quicker than I’m comfortable with.

The thing is, I’ve never lived by myself. I went from my parent’s home to roommates in the dorm; from apartments with friends to an apartment with a boyfriend, and finally, to a condo with my husband. When my ex-husband moved out, it was the closest I got to living by myself. I was a joint custody single mom, so I lived with my son half the time, but there was still that time when it was just me. Even when I became a sole custody single mom, I never let go of that feeling of living “on my own,” even if I was never actually alone.

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Roxanne (USA)

Roxanne is a single mother to a 9-year-old superhero (who was born 7 weeks premature), living in the biggest little city and blogging all about her journey at Unintentionally Brilliant. She works as a Program Coordinator for the NevadaTeach program at the University of Nevada, Reno. Roxanne has a B.A. in English from Sierra Nevada College. She has about 5 novels in progress and dreams about completing one before her son goes to high school.

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SOUTH KOREA: Shame and Single Motherhood in South Korea

SOUTH KOREA: Shame and Single Motherhood in South Korea

The month of May in Korea is “family month” and includes Children’s Day and Parents’ Day (as well as Teachers’ Day and Buddha’s birthday). It’s a celebratory time here, especially as it coincides with the mild temperatures and blossoms of spring. These last two years the month of May has also included a much quieter celebration – Single Mothers Day.

To be a single mother in Korea is no small thing. Women who find themselves pregnant out of wedlock are often pressured by their friends and family to have an abortion or to give up their child for adoption. 90% of children who are adopted from Korea are born to single mothers and, unlike in the West, the majority of unwed pregnant mothers in Korea are over the age of 25. The women who choose to keep their children and raise them as single parents are very few and the discrimination they face is astonishing to someone like me who is not from here.

The shame associated with unwed motherhood is not just the burden of the woman to bear. Her parents, her siblings, and her child are all subjected to it as well. It is often kept a secret for as long as possible since the repercussions of people knowing can be dire, including loss of job, home, and social status. Many of these women can no longer live with their families, as is the custom, the disgrace and shame is so great.

This is so interesting to me, coming from a country whose president was raised by a single mother. Single parenthood is by no means considered ideal in the West, but no person, politician or otherwise, would dream of speaking ill of mothers who are working hard to raise a family on their own without fear of immense (and well-deserved) backlash, the prevailing sentiment being: Don’t they have it hard enough? (more…)

Ms. V. (South Korea)

Ms. V returned from a 3-year stint in Seoul, South Korea and is now living in the US in the beautiful Pacific Northwest with her partner, their two kids, three ferocious felines, and a dog named Avon Barksdale. She grew up all over the US, mostly along the east coast, but lived in New York City longer than anywhere else, so considers NYC “home.” Her love of travel has taken her all over the world and to all but four of the 50 states. Ms. V is contemplative and sacred activist, exploring the intersection of yoga, new monasticism, feminism and social change. She is the co-director and co-founder of Samdhana-Karana Yoga: A Healing Arts Center, a non-profit yoga studio and the spiritual director for Hab Community. While not marveling at her beautiful children, she enjoys reading, cooking, and has dreams of one day sleeping again.

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EGYPT: The Generosity Month (Ramadan)

EGYPT: The Generosity Month (Ramadan)

By generosity month I mean the month of Ramadan, it’s the fasting month for Muslims. It’s the ninth month of the Hijri year which follows the moon movement. A new Hijri month starts with every new crescent; every Hijri month is 29 or 30 days long so the Hijri calendar is not fixed.

Every new crescent is watched (it can be watched with the bare eye in the desert) to announce the beginning of a new month. Every Hijri year is 10 to 11 days less than a Gregorian year, that’s why Ramadan is 10 to 11 days earlier each year.  So it comes almost at the same date once every 33 years, this year it started on the 20th of July.

Fasting starts from dawn to sunset. To fast we stop eating, drinking, smoking from dawn to sunset.  But it is not only a matter of eating or drinking: it’s related to all kind of desires, and they are all forbidden during the fasting day. The main objective of this month is to discipline ourselves and to be in control of our desires.  After sunset to dawn of the following day we live our life normally.

This month is very important as it is a great opportunity for any Muslim to gain extremely generous rewards for the least good deeds they do. (more…)

Nihad

Nihad is an Egyptian woman, who was born and has lived her whole life in Alexandria, Egypt. She says, “People who visited this city know how charming and beautiful this city is. Although I love every city in Egypt, Alexandria is the one I love the most.” She is a software engineer and has worked in the field for more than twenty years. But recently she quit her job, got a coaching certificate and she is now a self employed life and career coach. She says, “I believe that women in this era face big challenges and they are taking huge responsibilities. That's why I have chosen my niche -- women looking for happiness and satisfaction. I help and support them in making whatever change (career change, life change, behavior change, belief change…) they want to bring more satisfaction and happiness in their lives.” Nihad is a mother of two lovely boys, 15 and 9 years old. She states, “They are the most precious gifts I have ever had. I madly love them, and I consider them the main source of happiness in my life.” Our inspiring mother in Egypt can also be found at Aurora Beams Life Coaching.

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CANADA: Grandpa In the Sky

CANADA: Grandpa In the Sky

At the age of 19, I sat at my Father’s deathbed. I watched him battle and lose his life to cancer in a very short period of time. I live with nightmares of his disease, and I grieve over him daily. He never saw me graduate from University, met my husband, walked me down the aisle, or met my son.

My loss haunts me daily. I have spent years attempting to honor his life and his spirit, but his death defined my life and altered it forever.

The moment I knew I was pregnant, I knew I was going to have a baby boy. I had vivid dreams of him and my Father. I am not sure how I knew, but at our 5 month ultra sound, we were told it was a boy.  I knew he would take my Father’s first name, and I knew that somehow, my Father was connected to him.

I am not a deeply religious person, nor am I regular church goer. I have a deep sense of spirituality, mostly from years of travelling. I never want my son to fear death, and I want him to celebrate life. (more…)

travelladywithbaby

Travel Lady with Baby has never had two feet in one city for long, growing up as a diplomatic kid, bouncing around from one country to another became the norm. Born in Canada, but never feeling Canadian, rather a Hodge Podge of cultures and traditions, Mandarin was her first language, not English, and Spanish still comes out of her mouth when trying to speak French. Travel Lady with Baby declared to her Father that a career in the U.N was her future, but settled for a career at Foreign Affairs on an intense U.N file. After several years of non-stop travel, and having never put up a picture on the wall, she and her husband threw caution to the wind and moved to Vancouver, B.C. to work on an Olympic file. Vancouver brought, a dog, a baby boy and a life-altering event that changed everything. It was this event that made Travel Lady with Baby and her husband realize that Vancouver had run its course, so, naturally it was time to embark on another adventure. Packing everything into a small storage space and giving up their condo, they got on a plane for two months to travel with their son. For the first time, they breathed, got perspective, became present as parents and realized what they wanted. Landing back in Vancouver solidified a business plan and a move to a small town in Quebec. Now running a Sustainable Consulting and Promotions Company with her husband, re-learning French (yes, you do lose it if you don't use it), waking up to a toddler that has more energy than a soccer team, juggling clients, a household, research and marketing, and squeezing in blogging about travel has been nothing but exhilarating. It is very likely that there is another move and way more travel in the near future, but at least this time, they finally put pictures up on the walls. Check out her personal blog, Travel Lady with Baby.

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NEW YORK, USA: Olympic Hopefuls? Probably Not…and That’s OK!

NEW YORK, USA: Olympic Hopefuls? Probably Not…and That’s OK!

As I sit here watching the U.S. Olympic team trials, I am thinking about all the work these hopefuls have put into getting to this amazing place. They are all so young; the gymnasts are 16…mere children! Two of the swimmers competing for the “women’s” 50-free are 14 and 15. Michael Phelps is considered mature – he’s 27!

I smile as a swimmer jumps out of the pool and runs over to hug her mother as she makes the U.S. team. I choke up as the camera pans to a very proud mom who watches her daughter do an amazing floor routine, which seals her fate as a competitor to represent the U.S. in London. As the commercial says, none of them could have gotten to this place without their mothers. It was probably their mom who ran them to the early morning and after school practices, who hugged them when they didn’t win and encouraged them to just do their best. It was their mom who celebrated their victories (I’m sure there were many) as they progressed to get to this amazing point in their career.

I sit here wondering if I would be able to do that for my children. How do you even start your child on the road to be an Olympic hopeful? In New York City, there are so many sports available to children starting at such a young age. My son, who is 5, has already tried  soccer, gymnastics, t-ball, and swimming. He has taken guitar and language lessons, art and music. When he starts Kindergarden in September, he will add martial arts to the list. I keep asking him if he wants to keep doing a certain sport, or try a new one, and inevitably his answer (for the most part) is to try a new one.

They showed some videos of the gymnasts doing routines as 5- and 6-year-olds, which means at my son’s age they were already on the road to the Olympics. I’m not capable of being a mom that “pushes” her children, but how else could they become the best in the world?

Don’t get me wrong. I would be that mom who takes her children to all of the practices, early morning and in the evenings. I would be the one who would console a loss and praise a win, who would mend an injury and be the biggest cheerleader on the sidelines. I just don’t know if I would be able to identify that my child was so gifted in a specific sport that they should seriously compete.

When my son was 3, we joked that he would be the next Michael Phelps. He loved his swim classes, and had a long and lean body. But being in New York, with cold winters, we did not continue his lessons once it got cold out. One thing led to another, and we haven’t really started them up again. I now ask myself, did we miss his chance to realize his full potential?

Now, I’m not expecting my children to make it to the Olympics. What I am asking, is what if there is a sport or activity (dance, a musical instrument, chess club, etc) that they are naturally gifted at, and, as a mother I don’t come across it? How do we, as parents, nurture our children to their full potential if we don’t figure it out?

I know enough to realize that I don’t have the answer.  I want to be able to help my children find their natural abilities; I want them to try everything until they find something that they really love.  And then I hope that I will be able to keep sending them to lessons/practice/rehearsals.  I hope that I can help them be the best that they can be, and help them reach for the stars…if that’s what they want to do.

Have you noticed a natural ability/talent in your child?  How have you nourished and supported them?

This is an original post for World Moms Blog by Maman Aya of New York City, USA.

Photo credit to Andrew Evans. This photo holds a Flickr Creative Commons attribution license.

Maman Aya (USA)

Maman Aya is a full-time working mother of 2 beautiful children, a son who is 6 and a daughter who is two. She is raising her children in the high-pressure city of New York within a bilingual and multi-religious home. Aya was born in Canada to a French mother who then swiftly whisked her away to NYC, where she grew up and spent most of her life. She was raised following Jewish traditions and married an Irish Catholic American who doesn’t speak any other language (which did not go over too well with her mother), but who is learning French through his children. Aya enjoys her job but feels “mommy guilt” while at work. She is lucky to have the flexibility to work from home on Thursdays and recently decided to change her schedule to have “mommy Fridays”, but still feels torn about her time away from her babies. Maman Aya is not a writer by any stretch of the imagination, but has been drawn in by the mothers who write for World Moms Blog. She looks forward to joining the team and trying her hand at writing!

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SWITZERLAND: Transitioning Children

SWITZERLAND: Transitioning Children

After five moves in five and a half years, I have been accustomed to gear up for change. The excitement of something new; the sadness of leaving what we have grown accustomed to; the packing and the unpacking; the curiosity of a new place; missing the last place.

But what I wasn’t prepared for when we started this journey was my role as a mother and wife, which  leaves me not only to anticipate my own transition but that of each family member.

Our family recently made the move from Switzerland back to the U.S. It was a move we were very much looking forward to, but it didn’t occur without the ever-flowing mix of emotions that comes with moving.

We hated leaving behind our dear friends, whom we had made so many wonderful memories with, not to mention the cheese and chocolates! But, we also eagerly waited for the time when we would return to a more familiar life in the United States, where we would be near family and friends.

Over the past few months, we have ridden the roller coaster of transition. Although we are not out of the woods yet, I thought I would pass on a few things that helped my kids, in particular, with this transition. (more…)

Kristen

Kristen is a stay-at-home to two little boys, Jackson (4 yrs) and Owen (nearly 2 yrs). She was born in New York, but eventually made her way down to Texas. She and her husband, Seth, met in Dallas and were married in December 2005. Nine months into their marriage Seth received a call that he had landed his dream job, one catch, it involved world wide assignment. The adventure took them from Texas to Washington, D.C., on to Bogotá, Colombia and then back to Washington, D.C before bringing them to Bern, Switzerland! Kristen and her family have currently lived in Bern for more than 1 year, where her husband works for the US Department of State. Four moves and 2 children in nearly 6 years of marriage have made for quite the adventure in motherhood! Kristen finds motherhood to be one of the most humbling and character building things she has ever experienced. The responsibility of raising boys with integrity and respect at times feels daunting, but she couldn’t imagine doing anything else! Kristen is a Speech Language Pathologist but has taken time away from working to focus on her family. Although she enjoys the travel and adventure involved in her husband’s career, she often finds herself feeling far from home and working to make the most of time abroad! On her blog, Seasons Worth Savoring, Kristen writes about daily life with two little boys, including her experiences as she navigates a foreign culture and walks by faith. In her free time, or rather in her busy time with two boys attached to her legs, Kristen enjoys cooking, photography, antique and thrift store shopping, working on crafts, and blogging.

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