EGYPT: Beliefs and how they impact our lives

beliefs

According to Merriam Webster, a belief is, “something that a person accepts as true or right, a strongly held opinion about something.” A belief is just an opinion, not necessarily the truth or the reality. Beliefs can be imagined as an iceberg. There are some beliefs  we are conscious of, like the tip of the iceberg that can be seen above the water. Meanwhile, there are other beliefs we are less aware of, the larger part of the iceberg that lies below the water.

There are different types of beliefs. There are some that are empowering beliefs, like we are happy, we are successful , life is beautiful and worth being lived, failure is a part of the success journey, and so on. Other beliefs are disempowering, like I am unhappy, I am not good enough, life is unfair, I am a loser, et cetera. Such beliefs can be very limiting. Our beliefs about ourselves shape our lives. If we hold empowering beliefs, we feel more satisfaction and peace of mind. Otherwise, we are frustrated and unhappy most of the time. Most of our beliefs are formed during our childhood and adolescence.

Why our beliefs impact our lives?

Our beliefs drive our behaviors, so anything we do can be linked back to a certain belief we hold. Our perception of a situation creates a thought in our mind. The thought triggers an emotion, and the emotion makes us behave in a certain way. For example, one of my clients felt uncomfortable when her colleagues repeated to her, “You are so kind.” From my point of view, it was a positive comment of praise, while she perceived it as, “You are so naive.” With the positive perception, she would have felt totally comfortable and satisfied. Meanwhile, with the negative perception she felt annoyed and uncomfortable. These two different perceptions of the same situation triggered two completely different feelings, which lead to two totally different behaviors.

When we go through the same experience with the same thought, we feel the same feeling and we behave the same way until it becomes an unconscious belief and the behavior becomes automatic. Unfortunately it becomes the TRUTH while actually it is just our truth that we created due to our perception. If we want to change our behavior, we need to change the angle from which we see the situation.

“Making mistakes is shameful”

I grew up in a family and a school where making mistakes was not an option. We were punished, made fun of, and severely criticized for making mistakes. There were only one way to do anything, the way the elders wanted it done. Anything else was wrong and unacceptable. Living in such an environment was really hard.  I always felt like an accused who needed to defend herself. I wanted to have my own life, but unfortunately anything that did not match their way was considered a mistake.

One of my dis-empowering beliefs that negatively affected my life and harmed my self confidence for many years was, “Making mistakes is shameful.” I was so sensitive, so I avoided many situations and experiences to avoid the feeling of guilt and shame I felt every time I thought I made a mistake. I feared oral exams, trying new things, delivering presentations, and giving an opinion in a meeting or a class. I was so frightened of failure that I had to find help. My coach helped me see my foundational belief that making mistakes is shameful, and helped me to see that it caused me to avoid situations where I feared failure. It took me some time to adopt the new perception and to overcome my fear and my belief. Fortunately, I can now express myself in public easily, confidently, and in a relaxed way.

How we can change a behavior?

When you want to change your behavior in any situation and you want to find out what dis-empowering belief you hold, just answer these questions:

What are your thoughts in this situation?

How do you feel every time you go through it?

Write down your answers, and repeat this process several times. You will begin to notice a pattern. Notice your inner self talks and your wording – it will tell you a lot about your beliefs. To change the behavior, you need to change the angle from which you perceive the situation. Try to find a more positive perception – it will make a big shift in your thoughts and feelings and hence your behaviors.

As moms we need to be so careful with our children. We must pay attention to how we treat them, and also how we treat ourselves or speak about ourselves in front of them. We need to be aware of our dis-empowering beliefs, and work on changing them as they will surely affect our children. They acquire their self confidence and self esteem from ours. Our children see themselves through our eyes and they believe us, so if you tell your child they are not good enough or they are amazing they will believe you and may be they will live their whole life with this belief. Be cautious which beliefs you want to implant in your child.

Are you aware of your beliefs? What type of beliefs do you hold about yourself? How do they affect your life? Do you have a similar story, to share with us, about replacing a limiting belief ?

This is an original post for World Moms Network by Nihad from Alexandria, Egypt. Nihad blogs at Aurora Beams Life Coaching.

Image via José María Foces Morán / Flickr

Nihad

Nihad is an Egyptian woman, who was born and has lived her whole life in Alexandria, Egypt. She says, “People who visited this city know how charming and beautiful this city is. Although I love every city in Egypt, Alexandria is the one I love the most.” She is a software engineer and has worked in the field for more than twenty years. But recently she quit her job, got a coaching certificate and she is now a self employed life and career coach. She says, “I believe that women in this era face big challenges and they are taking huge responsibilities. That's why I have chosen my niche -- women looking for happiness and satisfaction. I help and support them in making whatever change (career change, life change, behavior change, belief change…) they want to bring more satisfaction and happiness in their lives.” Nihad is a mother of two lovely boys, 15 and 9 years old. She states, “They are the most precious gifts I have ever had. I madly love them, and I consider them the main source of happiness in my life.” Our inspiring mother in Egypt can also be found at Aurora Beams Life Coaching.

More Posts

EGYPT: Choosing our children’s career path

career-path

One of the most challenging decisions faced by families in my country is choosing a career path and a college for their child. The journey starts during the second year of high school, when students choose between a scientific or literary curriculum. Later, in their final year, pupils who chose the scientific section must choose between mathematics-focused or biology-focused studies. Both children and parents struggle for support during this journey – and none is given.  Most importantly, children’s strengths are rarely assessed or taken into account when considering the different choices. But do we as parents have the right to choose our children’s career path?

Many factors and beliefs affect this choice. Some career paths are more prestigious than others. Some colleges are suitable for males but not females, and vice versa. Graduates of some colleges get hired immediately after graduation while others are less likely to find jobs quickly. Some families believe that children must follow their parents’ career path of their parents, or realize their parents’ own dreams. Most importantly, if the child does not get high enough scores they will not be accepted to their college of choice.

I admit that at this young age, most children are not mature enough to make such choices on their own. Even if they are interested in a certain field, most children are still unable to assess their own strengths and capabilities as they relate to the real world. As a result, many students simply comply with their parents wishes.

During a school seminar I once conducted, I met a girl whose mother forced her to select the literary course because she believed that scientific studies required too much work. The girl loved science, but her mother discouraged her from following her passion. By the end of the year, the girl was miserable and the mother regretted her decision. Another student’s father wanted her to join the pharmacy college, although the girl wanted to study arts. Many students shared their stories, lamenting that their parents were forcing them to join specific career paths.

I remember my own experience many years ago when I graduated from high school and wanted to join the faculty of engineering to study computer science, because I loved mathematics. My father wanted me to go to the faculty of commerce because he, himself, was a banker. I, however, insisted, and made my own choice.  By the end of my third year of college I knew this course of study was not for me, but unfortunately I couldn’t make a change. I did not know what else to do and no one would allow me to follow a different course. On the other hand, I never regretted because the choice was my own.

Just six years ago I decided to shift my career from software engineering to life coaching. All my colleagues and family were against me. They still consider me foolish to leave a prestigious position for a complete change and an unknown career. I believe in what I am doing, I believe in its power, and what difference it made in my life. Sometimes I wish I had done it earlier.

Choosing a career path that provides fulfillment and satisfaction  to our children and suits their capabilities and strengths is the most important choice in their lives. It is true that making a career shift is possible now, but not all people are courageous enough to take such a risk. In addition, why should they waste their time and energy on an inappropriate path while we can help them avoid it? With support from specialists, we can better understand our children’s strengths and preferred way of learning, and we can allow them to try different activities and fields to discover their real passion. Most importantly, we should not impose our own choices on our children. They must make their own decision, with support and guidance from us as parents.  With our help, they can learn how to make the best choice for themselves.

Do you have any experiences with helping your children to choose a career path? Are assessment tools used in your country to help the students make the right choice? Would you impose a certain field of study on your child just because you believe it suits them even if they do not like it?

This is an original post for World Moms Network by Nihad from Alexandria, Egypt. Nihad blogs at  Aurora Beams Life Coaching.

Image via Stuart Miles, FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Nihad

Nihad is an Egyptian woman, who was born and has lived her whole life in Alexandria, Egypt. She says, “People who visited this city know how charming and beautiful this city is. Although I love every city in Egypt, Alexandria is the one I love the most.” She is a software engineer and has worked in the field for more than twenty years. But recently she quit her job, got a coaching certificate and she is now a self employed life and career coach. She says, “I believe that women in this era face big challenges and they are taking huge responsibilities. That's why I have chosen my niche -- women looking for happiness and satisfaction. I help and support them in making whatever change (career change, life change, behavior change, belief change…) they want to bring more satisfaction and happiness in their lives.” Nihad is a mother of two lovely boys, 15 and 9 years old. She states, “They are the most precious gifts I have ever had. I madly love them, and I consider them the main source of happiness in my life.” Our inspiring mother in Egypt can also be found at Aurora Beams Life Coaching.

More Posts

EGYPT: Finding Inner Peace in Challenging Times

EGYPT: Finding Inner Peace in Challenging Times

World Mom, Nihad, is a life coach in Alexandria, Egypt at Aurora Beams Life Coaching. Today, she is on the blog helping moms around the world find their inner peace when times get tough through some tips she learned from a recent webinar with life coach, Mary Allen.

Sit back, take a deep breath in, and read…

Hello, World Moms!

“How easy can you find your inner peace in challenging times?”

Do you find that you “lose it” when things get tough? That finding your center is impossible when things don’t go as planned? Maybe the kids are fighting. Or the bills are higher than you expected. Or the world news is getting to you. Or something else is burdening your mind.

Well, get out your pens and paper! I have some questions for you further in the post that I recently learned to help you find the calm when the boat is rocked. I’m your life coach today, and we’ve got this.

2015 WMB Quote Inner Peace Nihad

In the past, balancing my demanding career as a software engineer with all the other commitments a working woman and mother has, I know very well that finding inner peace in challenging times is not so easy. With a busy schedule at work and at home and with deadlines to meet and projects’ plans to complete inner peace is a very far away destination to reach, especially when we don’t have any tools for support.

Why do we need to find inner peace?

“We can never obtain peace in the outer world until we make inner peace with ourselves.” Dalai Lama

According tho this quote, it’s not only about how we feel inside. Our relationship with the outer world, as well, is affected by how peaceful we are in the inside. So, we need to find our inner peace first to live in peace with all of our surroundings.

I can feel inner peace when I am alone, away from all kinds of noise and distractions as a busy mom, but in challenging times I know very well that finding inner peace is hard for me.

It also depends on the kind of challenges I am facing and working to overcome. I also found that I need to be clear about what inner peace means to me. I simply consider the definition of inner peace, or peace of mind, as the opposite of being stressed or anxious. In very challenging situations, I lose my inner peace, become so stressed and sometimes helpless. There have been times when I found myself yelling at the kids most of the time, and I felt bad about myself after that.

What helped me is gaining clarity and awareness about the situation that I was stressed about. For me, it was the demands of working as a software engineer paired with the demands of raising my children.

Woman Meditating

Six Questions to Help You Find Inner Peace

Recently, I had the opportunity to attend a webinar that was discussing how we can regain our inner peace in challenging times. The facilitator discussed how answering 6 key questions in any challenging situation can bring us closer to inner peace. Do you have your pens out? I’m about to take you through her questions, so jot down your answers!

1.What is the reality about the situation?

Naming what exactly is going on in simple statements is the first step to gain clarity.

 2.What am I resisting?

Stress is definitely due to some kind of internal resistance. It can be resistance of change because of fear of unknown. Change takes us to ambiguous results and the fear of these results creates resistance. It can be resistance of taking action. It will be different for everyone. Do you know what it is for you?

And, “What if I continue resisting?

Figuring out what you may be continuing to resist and where this resistance will take us is another way to gain clarity.

3.What can I appreciate?

Creating a sense of gratitude to help figure out what positive side there is in the challenging situation is key. It may be strengthening our will power, stretching our comfort zone, allowing us to discover more about our capabilities and strengths.

4.What are my options?

In any situation we have several options to consider. We may think that we don’t have any choices, but actually, if we think deeply we will find some options. Just knowing we are able to choose makes us feel in control, which brings us closer to feeling peaceful.

5.What will I consciously choose?

At the end, it is up to us to consciously choose one of the options we have created for ourselves in this self-survey. It is an option of our own, not suggested or imposed by anybody. This can make you feel more in control. This sense of freedom can also attribute to helping us regain our inner peace.

We’ve gotten there together, but really, you’ve done all the work. Take a deep breath again. Now, how do you feel?

These questions are from the “5 Keys to Inner Peace NOW” checklist built by Mary Allen, America’s Inner Peace Coach. I believe these questions can be very helpful to figure out what is stressing us out and what to do to feel peaceful, even in hard times.

Do you have any other tools or experience with finding your inner peace in challenging times?

This is an original post for World Moms Blog by Nihad from Alexandria, Egypt. Nihad blogs at  Aurora Beams Life Coaching.

Image courtesy of “Middle Aged Woman Doing Meditation” by stockimages,  FreeDigitalPhotos.net

 

Nihad

Nihad is an Egyptian woman, who was born and has lived her whole life in Alexandria, Egypt. She says, “People who visited this city know how charming and beautiful this city is. Although I love every city in Egypt, Alexandria is the one I love the most.” She is a software engineer and has worked in the field for more than twenty years. But recently she quit her job, got a coaching certificate and she is now a self employed life and career coach. She says, “I believe that women in this era face big challenges and they are taking huge responsibilities. That's why I have chosen my niche -- women looking for happiness and satisfaction. I help and support them in making whatever change (career change, life change, behavior change, belief change…) they want to bring more satisfaction and happiness in their lives.” Nihad is a mother of two lovely boys, 15 and 9 years old. She states, “They are the most precious gifts I have ever had. I madly love them, and I consider them the main source of happiness in my life.” Our inspiring mother in Egypt can also be found at Aurora Beams Life Coaching.

More Posts

EGYPT: The Saboteur Voice Identified, and How to Deal With It

EGYPT: The Saboteur Voice Identified, and How to Deal With It

“Thinking Woman With An Ideas” by Kittikun Atsawintarangkul (1)Years ago, every time I would decide to try something new, questions flooded my head: What if I fail? What if I’m not good enough? What if I don’t have enough experience? What if I lose my investment? What if….? What if…? What if…? The inner voice that never ceases, the voice that questions whether goals are possible, is called the saboteur voice–a.k.a., your inner critic. Usually, it is negative, harsh, and destructive. It works hard to keep you down, to shake your self confidence, to keep you in your comfort zone, and to deprive you from growing, developing and enjoying new experiences. Before studying coaching, my saboteur voice was very loud, and it deprived me of a lot of opportunities. Now, I know how to deal with it. I know that it will never go away, but that I can control whether it shouts or whispers. Instead of believing the worst of the what-ifs, I listen to the voice, thank it for its concern, and remind myself that I know what I need, what I want, and what I can do.

I tell it to calm down.

It is not always that easy to deal with it, and sometimes one needs a professional to help, but, in general, just observing it can minimize its power. Other things that can help include repeating daily affirmations to enhance your self confidence, and remembering to breath deeply. Keeping an achievement list and revising it regularly can also be useful. What experience do you have with the saboteur voice? To which extent do you allow it to affect your life? What have you found useful to mute this voice?

This is an original post for World Moms Blog by Nihad from Alexandria, Egypt. Nihad blogs at  Aurora Beams Life Coaching.

Image courtesy of  

“Thinking Woman With An Ideas” by Kittikun Atsawintarangkul FreeDigitalPhotos.net

 

Nihad

Nihad is an Egyptian woman, who was born and has lived her whole life in Alexandria, Egypt. She says, “People who visited this city know how charming and beautiful this city is. Although I love every city in Egypt, Alexandria is the one I love the most.” She is a software engineer and has worked in the field for more than twenty years. But recently she quit her job, got a coaching certificate and she is now a self employed life and career coach. She says, “I believe that women in this era face big challenges and they are taking huge responsibilities. That's why I have chosen my niche -- women looking for happiness and satisfaction. I help and support them in making whatever change (career change, life change, behavior change, belief change…) they want to bring more satisfaction and happiness in their lives.” Nihad is a mother of two lovely boys, 15 and 9 years old. She states, “They are the most precious gifts I have ever had. I madly love them, and I consider them the main source of happiness in my life.” Our inspiring mother in Egypt can also be found at Aurora Beams Life Coaching.

More Posts

Egypt: 10 Ways to Live a Happier Life

7janHappy New Year!  In this season of resolutions, many of us are looking for ways to live a happier life.  As a mother, I believe increasing one’s happiness is a wonderful thing to do for oneself and for one’s family–an angry, bitter and unhappy woman can never make her family happy.  But how do we find our way to a happier life?

Happiness is all about us, about our mindset, what we believe and how we feel. Our circumstances, our possessions, our job and our bank account are just temporary sources of happiness. Real happiness shines from the inside out, reflecting how we feel about ourselves and how satisfied we are with who we are and how we live.  As a life coach, here are 10 practices I’ve found that enhance my daily happiness.

1- Improve your self image: For me, the first and most important source of happiness is how I feel about the image I see in the mirror.  How proud do I feel about myself? What kind of relationship do I have with myself?  Do I offer myself love, respect, acceptance and appreciation? Or is it guilt, shame, anger, and low self esteem? Being happy with who I am is my main source of happiness.

2- Don’t seek approval of others: Many women live in a way they don’t want just to please their partner, their family, or their friends.  Though this may result in short-term approval and acceptance, living according to others’ expectations will not create lasting happiness.

3- Keep your word to yourself:  Learn to say NO to what is not a priority in your life.  If you set a ME time for yourself ,do not give it up easily.  Keeping your word to yourself will greatly enhance your feeling of self worth and  self respect.

4- Eat healthy food and exercise: Healthy food will positively impact your mood and give you more energy. Working out regularly has a great effect on physical and mental health. According to a psychiatrist friend of mine, walking one hour in open air equates the effect of an antidepressant pill. So when you feel down, try going for a walk outside.

5- Let go:  Let’s face it.  There are some aspects of our lives we cannot control.  We certainly can’t control, or change, the past.  Accepting the reality that we can do nothing brings a great relief and freedom.

6- Find your passion: Working on something you love brings real satisfaction. If you haven’t yet found your passion, play around with different hobbies like making or listening to music, drawing, or writing.  Expressing your thoughts and feelings in any way will help you get clear about what your passion is.

7- Keep only fulfilling relationships: Continuing with unhealthy and non-fulfilling relationships is an energy drain.  See no. 3.

8- Keep a gratitude journal: Make it a habit to jot down 5 things in your life for which you are grateful.  If  have something you complain about all the time, follow your complaint with any positive you can find in it.  Eventually, you may find a blessing in what you were complaining about.

9- LOLFind a reason every day to laugh, and spend time with your beloved ones having fun and laughing out loud.

10- Spend some time away from media and technology: Take a brief holiday from the TV, radio, internet, even your iPhone.  Spend the time working out, meeting friends, reading books, playing with your kids and pets, or taking a walk.  Observe how you feel.  Just few days (or even an afternoon) without media and technology will make great difference in your life and your satisfaction.

These are my tips on how to live a happier life.  What are some things you do to add happiness to your life?  What is your definition of happiness and do you find it easy to live according to this definition? What challenges do you face to live a happier life?

This is an original post for World Moms Blog by Nihad from Alexandria, Egypt. Nihad blogs at  Aurora Beams Life Coaching.

Image courtesy of  “Pretty Girl In A Hat At Sunset” by Stuart Miles FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Nihad

Nihad is an Egyptian woman, who was born and has lived her whole life in Alexandria, Egypt. She says, “People who visited this city know how charming and beautiful this city is. Although I love every city in Egypt, Alexandria is the one I love the most.” She is a software engineer and has worked in the field for more than twenty years. But recently she quit her job, got a coaching certificate and she is now a self employed life and career coach. She says, “I believe that women in this era face big challenges and they are taking huge responsibilities. That's why I have chosen my niche -- women looking for happiness and satisfaction. I help and support them in making whatever change (career change, life change, behavior change, belief change…) they want to bring more satisfaction and happiness in their lives.” Nihad is a mother of two lovely boys, 15 and 9 years old. She states, “They are the most precious gifts I have ever had. I madly love them, and I consider them the main source of happiness in my life.” Our inspiring mother in Egypt can also be found at Aurora Beams Life Coaching.

More Posts

EGYPT: The Schooling Challenges of an Egyptian Mother

EGYPT: The Schooling Challenges of an Egyptian Mother

walking into the futureSchooling years are a big challenge for parents. Often, we even regard those years as a period of crisis. For Egyptian mothers the most challenging schooling years that we experience are the final two years of high school. Those two years are called “Thanaweya Ama”.

The scores of the last year of high school determines the future of our children. Students are admitted to specific faculties in college in accordance to their scores during the last year of school. To be able to join the college they want, students need to satisfy the minimum the college has indicated for applying. Only students with very high scores can choose the path they truly desire. The rest must follow the path their scores allow. In our community the top three sought after colleges are Medicine, Engineering and Pharmacy. Most of us believe that the students who join these colleges are the smartest ones. It’s frustrating for parents when because of their scores, their child cannot realize their dream of joining one of these colleges. Actually, it’s usually the parent’s dream.

I remember what a tough year that year was for me as a student. I challenged myself to get more than 90% although the faculty of Engineering, which I wanted to join, accepted students with only an 80% score. I remember how I had to study for long long hours and the thousands of math problems I had to solve. I became addicted to it. At that time, solving math problems in different branches of mathematics became my only pleasure. I was really nervous and upset.

Sadly, the beliefs the students and the parents held, made that period of time a nightmare. It became common during the final exams to see photos of crying and screaming students in the newspapers. A household with a student in Thanaweya Ama is living an emergency crisis year.

I will live through this experience with my eldest son next year. He is in his pre-final year or let’s just call it eleventh grade. For the most part, over the years, he hasn’t been willing to work hard although sometimes he did focus on the subjects he was interested in. Usually he received good scores in the subjects that interested him but average scores in the rest of the subjects. His resulting overall score was average.

Last year, he started becoming more aware that he needs to work harder, He has begun to realize that his future will be determined by the coming years. That was really surprising and pleasing for me. He has finally begun spending longer hours working on his homework and studying, although still working on the subjects he likes. His scores at the end of last year were still average.

From my point of view, my main objective is not to ensure he gets the highest scores but that he discover his capabilities and find out how smart he is. I believe in him and in his strengths but I find that he isn’t willing to challenge himself enough.

Many mothers with children in final year recently advised me not to press him too much this year as the next year will be so long. It lasts almost 11 months as it starts in July and ends the following June. They believe that he will be under great pressure next year. I believe that he needs “to build his muscles” this years. I believe he needs to get used to exerting more effort in order to be prepared enough for the real competition.

Since the fourth grade I have let him manage on his own. I didn’t care a lot about pressuring him to get the highest scores, all I wanted is for him to learn to manage on his own. I wanted him to realize that he’s responsible and he can study on his own. The question now is what is my role in helping him find out his real potential during this period of his life? How can I motivate him without stressing him out? I’m sure that excessive stress is the biggest enemy during this year. I’ve always told him “Don’t worry about the scores. All I want you to do is to relax, believe in yourself and do your best.”.

When I think about the challenge I’m facing with him during these two years of Thanaweya Ama, I try to get a clear image of what is my main role. It’s not as easy as following up with him to see if he has finished his homework or not. Eventually I came up with the idea that helping him manage his time, taking care of his nutrition and his sleep, supporting him emotionally and motivating him are what he needs more and it’s the best I can offer him during this vital period of his life.

As a mother, do you think that’s enough? What challenges do you face with your children’s education in your country? How do you support them? How can you help other mothers overcome similar challenges?

This is an original post for World Moms Blog by Nihad from Alexandria, Egypt. Nihad blogs at  Aurora Beams Life Coaching.

Image courtesy of  Figure Stepping Up To His Goal” by Master isolated images,  FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Nihad

Nihad is an Egyptian woman, who was born and has lived her whole life in Alexandria, Egypt. She says, “People who visited this city know how charming and beautiful this city is. Although I love every city in Egypt, Alexandria is the one I love the most.” She is a software engineer and has worked in the field for more than twenty years. But recently she quit her job, got a coaching certificate and she is now a self employed life and career coach. She says, “I believe that women in this era face big challenges and they are taking huge responsibilities. That's why I have chosen my niche -- women looking for happiness and satisfaction. I help and support them in making whatever change (career change, life change, behavior change, belief change…) they want to bring more satisfaction and happiness in their lives.” Nihad is a mother of two lovely boys, 15 and 9 years old. She states, “They are the most precious gifts I have ever had. I madly love them, and I consider them the main source of happiness in my life.” Our inspiring mother in Egypt can also be found at Aurora Beams Life Coaching.

More Posts