I worry about you.

I worry about not being the best mother for you.
About not giving you what you need.
I don’t have a manual.
All I have are my instincts, my feelings and my love for you.

No one tells me that I am doing a good job.
But there are plenty of hints and questionable looks suggesting that I am not.

So I worry.

My mind floods with fear that you might need more.
Something, someone to help you flourish.
And I worry that my love for you is not enough.

I carry this load and observe you daily, in silence.
I sigh of relief when I see you smiling and enjoying yourself.

My heart cringes when I see you struggling.
I’m afraid to share my thoughts, my worries.
To speak out about my growing sense of trouble.
About the signs that I see.

Am I seeing signs?
Or am I overthinking?

I struggle with acceptance.
Not because I can’t accept you for who you are.

Others can’t.
Their silent question marks,
weigh on me like judgement.
And I have a hard time shaking that off.

I battle with misconceptions and harsh opinions of strangers.
But when I look at you,
I can tell every little aspect of you that makes you so precious.
I see your infinite worth.

You are like that one flower in the flower bed.
The flower that keeps drawing my eye
Uniquely shaped yet oddly colored.

The flower that I admire the most.

 

This piece is a combination of my own struggles and the struggles of the mothers that I face around me.

Mothers who have a child that is struggling or going through a rough time;
Mothers who have a child  that is developing differently;
Mothers who have a child that has special needs.

I would like to ask you to withhold your judgment or quick advice.
Just see her, and respect her process.
After all she is just like you.
She loves and wants the best for her child.

 

Do you ever worry about your child’s development?

How do you cope? What are strategies that help you?

This is an original post written by Mirjam for World Moms Network

Mirjam

Mirjam was born in warm, sunny Surinam, but raised in the cold, rainy Netherlands. She´s the mom of three rambunctious beauties and has been married for over a decade to the love of her life. Every day she´s challenged by combining the best and worst of two cultures at home. In what little time she has left, she enjoys being an elementary school teacher. Mirjam has battled and survived three postpartum depressions. She enjoys being a blogger, an amateur photographer, and she loves being creative in many ways. But most of all she loves live and laughter, even though sometimes she is the joke herself. You can find Mirjam at Apples and Roses where she blogs about her battle with depression and finding beauty in the simplest of things. You can also find Mirjam on Twitter.

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