by Roxanne (USA) | May 16, 2014 | 2014, Communication, Family, Inspirational, Life Lesson, Motherhood, Parenting, Rox is Brilliant, Single Mother, Unintentionally Brilliant, USA, Womanhood, Working Mother, World Motherhood
My extended family on my dad’s side is huge. My dad had a bunch of sisters and a brother, and they’ve all gotten married and had babies and all of their babies are getting married and having babies. My oldest cousin is in her 40s; the youngest is in her early 20s. The oldest of the cousin’s children is 17 and the youngest is…just a couple weeks old.
Growing up, one set of cousins lived particularly close to where we lived. J is almost exactly 10 years older than me, and his sister V is 8 years older. They both used to babysit my siblings and I, but I mostly just remember V. She would take us on the bus when we left the house. She was a cheerleader, and when I got a little older she was my cheer coach.
In all honesty, she was basically my big sister. I looked up to her in a way I wished my little sister would look up to me. I still do.
Recently I had a mini breakdown at a family event and I ended up closing myself in a bedroom for a while to have a good cry. I just needed to get it out to be done with it and move on. It was the only way I could deal with all of the emotions I had been feeling.
V came to me to talk. It was a little bit of a relief when she admitted to me that she doesn’t have everything together. She made me realize that it’s all right for me to not have it all together at 30. People have been telling me this, but V saying it–for some reason–really made it click. I have looked up to her for so much of my life, and what I could see always looked like she really knew what she was doing. For her to admit even the smallest imperfection meant a lot to me.
Not because I feel better that she’s imperfect, but because she made it okay for me to be imperfect. She made it okay for me, and I’m here to tell you that it’s okay for you. It’s okay if you don’t have it all together. Nobody does. We’re all just doing the best we can with what we’ve got. And what more could we ask for?
Do you ever feel like you don’t quite have it “all together”? How have you dealt with the emotions you have felt?
This is an original post to World Moms Blog by Roxanne of Nevada, USA. You can find Roxanne at her editorial website, RoxannePiskel.com, and her personal blog, Unintentionally Brilliant.
Photo credit to Lina Hayes. This photo has a creative commons attribute license.
Roxanne is a single mother to a 9-year-old superhero (who was born 7 weeks premature), living in the biggest little city and blogging all about her journey at Unintentionally Brilliant. She works as a Program Coordinator for the NevadaTeach program at the University of Nevada, Reno. Roxanne has a B.A. in English from Sierra Nevada College. She has about 5 novels in progress and dreams about completing one before her son goes to high school.
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by Ruth | May 15, 2014 | Motherhood, Parenting, Ruth Wong, Singapore
I am not sure about you, but I find motherhood challenging – more so than any job I’ve ever had.
In the early days, I was often worrying about not being a “good enough” mom or making terrible mistakes in my parenting.
As time goes by, I began to gain greater confidence with my role as a mom. What really helped me though, was finding my own mantras that enable me to focus on what’s important, keep me grounded and lessen the stress, and frustrations.
My mommy mantras
1. This is just a phase.
It is hard when we are going through them, but many of the challenges we face in bringing up our kids are just passing phases as part of their growing up. From breastfeeding, dealing with numerous waking up throughout the night, to the seemingly endless diaper-changing and toddler tantrums, I’ve come to realize, and take comfort in the knowledge that these trying times don’t last forever. It’s true when other moms tell me “This too will pass.”
2. I don’t need to compare or compete.
Motherhood is not a comparison game. Neither is it a competition. I keep reminding myself that while we encounter similar challenges as moms, we are ultimately different because of the unique combination of our personalities, social, cultural, and professional backgrounds. Comparing or competing with another will not make us better moms. What matters is that we give the best we can to our children. Keeping this thought in my mind really helps to remove unnecessary stress I might have placed upon myself.
The same thing goes with comparing kids. As hard as it is, we should really stop comparing our kids with other children or even among siblings. Each child is special and unique, and that’s what we should focus on. Look for the gifts and talents that lie in each one of them and help them to blossom into their best selves.
3. Focus on what’s done well.
Instead of feeling bad about our parenting misses, focus on what’s done right or done well and do more of them. When we focus on the negative, we feel stressed and discouraged. So instead of putting ourselves down, give ourselves a pat on the back and celebrate how far we’ve come as parents, and the good we’ve done. It will motivate us to do better.
4. Enjoy more, worry less.
I was on a flight to Hong Kong with my then one-and-a-half year-old son and chatted with a female passenger next to me who left me a piece of advice. “Enjoy your son,” said the mom of grown up kids. What? Enjoy my son? I was at a point where I was struggling as a mom and didn’t get it at first. But slowly, it dawned on me what a great piece of advice it was. Instead of getting frustrated by my boy’s mischief or worry about 101 things that may not even happen, I can choose to relax and focus more on enjoying the relationship with him. At the end of the day, it’s the relationships with our kids that matter.
5. My needs are as important as my family’s.
As moms and women, we tend to be sacrificial and put our needs last. No wonder we often feel exhausted and unappreciated. If our needs go unmet for too long, we may even begin to resent our kids and spouse.
Reminding myself to honor my needs and make time for myself to rest, to do things I enjoy and to pursue my dreams, I am ensuring that I stay sane, happy and fulfilled. Guess that’s one of the best gifts I can give my family.
How about you? What other mommy mantras do you live by?
This is an original World Moms Blog post by Ruth from Mommy Cafe of Singapore.
The image used in this post is credited to Sura Nualpradid and downloaded from freedigitalphotos.net
Ruth lives in Singapore, a tiny island 137 kilometres north of the equator. After graduating from university, she worked as a medical social worker for a few years before making a switch to HR and worked in various industries such as retail, banking and manufacturing. In spite of the invaluable skills and experiences she had gained during those years, she never felt truly happy or satisfied. It was only when she embarked on a journey to rediscover her strengths and passion that this part of her life was transformed. Today, Ruth is living her dreams as a writer. Ironically, she loves what she does so much that at one point, she even thought that becoming a mom would hinder her career. Thanks to her husband’s gentle persuasions, she now realises what joy she would have missed out had she not changed her mind. She is now a happy WAHM. Ruth launched MomME Circle, a resource site to support and inspire moms to create a life and business they love. She has a personal blog Mommy Café where she writes about her son's growing up and shares her interests such as food and photography.
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by Sarah Sensamaust | May 14, 2014 | 2014, Africa, Being Thankful, Cultural Differences, Expat Life, Family, Living Abroad, Motherhood, Parenting, Relocating, Stress, World Moms Blog
That’s a termite mound, not a rock!
I’ve reached a time in my life when it’s easy to be anxious about so many things. I think that most mothers of small children, whether living abroad or not, are often plagued by the anxiety bug.
For the last six years, my family and I have lived in Congo and we’re moving away in just a few weeks. I find myself thinking back to all those worries, big and small, that I had about raising two kids in the proverbial “heart of darkness.”
So as an exercise of gratitude and reassurance before we begin our next African adventure, I’ve been reflecting on all the what-ifs –real and imagined – that never came true.
Those mosquito bites never led to malaria.
There were no broken bones, stitches or other ailments that couldn’t have otherwise struck us in the United States.
Getting stopped by the police was never more than a hassle and a good story.
Our girls made it to and from school every day without incident.
We never ran out of quality disposable diapers, Sensodyne toothpaste, or anything else we hoarded from home.
My shoes held up.
Every fever went away without too much suffering.
Nothing was ever stolen (that we noticed).
No one was bitten by a snake or spider and a few worms in the feet were no big deal.
The termites never swarmed and carried our children away.
The vehicles always returned to their respective lanes before a head-on collision.
No one was lost in an angry mob.
We never got sick from all that “questionable” food.
That crazy Congo lightning never came through our window and zapped me in my bed.
Both of my pregnancies were picture perfect.
The electricity always came back on.
The water always returned.
The internet was always repaired.
The planes did not crash.
We made friends. Good, lifelong friends.
And no one is worse for the wear.
As infinitely grateful as we are for all these things that never happened, we’re even more so for everything that did. We had two beautiful children, our family learned a new language and we reached far out of our comfort zone. We will forever be connected to the culture and people we grew to love in Congo.
I hope that the next time everyday stressors take over, I’ll be able to stop and think about this list and remember more often than not everything is alright in the end.
What things have you worried about that never ended up happening?
This is an original post written for World Moms Blog by Sarah Sensamaust. You can find Sarah blogging with Jill Humphrey at Mama Congo.
Photo credits to the author.
by Elizabeth Atalay | May 13, 2014 | 2014, Economy, Education, Environment, Ethiopia, Girls, Government, Health, Human Rights, Humanitarian, International, Maternal Health, Natural Disaster, Poverty, Social Good, Vaccines, World Moms Blog
State of the Worlds Mothers Report Cover Photo By Phil Moore
The 15th annual State of the World’s Mothers Report was released last week by Save The Children, just in time for Mother’s Day, and World Moms Blog was there at the launch. The focus of the 2014 report is on saving mothers in humanitarian crisis, and the launch of the report in New York City was co-hosted by the Permanent Mission of the Philippines to the United Nations. In his welcome address to the room Permanent Representative H.E. Mr. Libran Cabactulan of the UN Mission of the Philippines acknowledged from first hand experience, that women and children suffer the most in crisis situations.
The report notes that worldwide women and children are up to 14 times more likely than men to die in disaster. In fact it is no surprise that also according to the report more than half of all maternal and child deaths world-wide take place in countries suffering conflict or natural disasters. As Werner Obermeyer, Deputy to the Executive Director of the WHO office to the UN stated, It is not the armed component in conflicts we are worried about, it’s those who are suffering from the armed component.
The purpose of the annual report is to further the mission of Save The Children in protecting the worlds most vulnerable mothers and children. The State of the World’s Mothers report does so by highlighting where we are failing, what effective solutions need to be put in place, and recommended policy changes towards progress. Despite the fact that 80% of the countries are not on target for achieving MDG 4 and 5, maternal and child health goals, the extreme progress seen in other countries previously failing, tells us that it is possible.
Ethiopia for example has reduced its risk of maternal death more than any other African country, by nearly two-thirds. H.E. Mr. Tekeda Alemu of Ethiopia stated that the progress there was due to a well crafted policy based on the participation of people on the local level. 48,000 health extension workers were fanned out throughout the country to mobilize women volunteers in what they called the Women’s Development Army to reach remote villages. Afghanistan has also cut maternal death rates by 60-70 percent, moving up 32 places on the Mothers’ Index Rankings of the best and worst countries in which to give birth. This proves that the combined investment of minds and funding works. If these countries with terrible track records have been able to make such significant improvements, there is no reason we can not see this type of progress universally with proper programs and support.
Photo Credit: Save The Children
Climate change is the wild card that threatens even the countries that have made the most progress in maternal and child health. Climate related disasters and extreme weather are factors that can cause severe set backs in development.
The recommendations of the report call for a collaboration between governments, donor countries, international organizations, private sector and civil society to take responsibility, and each do their part to ensure mothers, and children in crisis situations have the best chance to survive, and thrive. Here is what we need to do:
1. Ensure that every mother and newborn living in crisis has access to high quality health care
2. Invest in women and girls and ensure their protection
3. Build longer term resilience to minimize the damaging effects of crises on health.
4. Design emergency interventions with a longer term view and the specific needs of mothers and newborns in mind.
5. Ensure political engagement and adequate financing, coordination and research around maternal and newborn health in crisis settings.
Save The children’s 15th annual State of the Worlds Mothers report comes at a pivotal moment in history, when humanitarian crises have focused a spotlight like never before on the needs of mothers and children who are struggling to survive. With record numbers of people displaced by war and conflict and increasingly severe natural disasters causing unspeakable destruction, it is clear we must do more to help the worlds poorest and most vulnerable families. We must give mothers the support they need to keep their children safe and healthy, even in the darkest times. -Carolyn Miles, President and CEO of Save The Children USA
You can read the State of the Worlds Mothers report in full here. See where your country falls on the Mothers’ Index Rankings here.
World Moms Blog Founder Jennifer Burden and Senior Editor Elizabeth Atalay at the State of the Worlds Mothers report launch in NYC.
This is an original post written for World Moms Blog by Elizabeth Atalay of Documama.
Elizabeth Atalay is a Digital Media Producer, Managing Editor at World Moms Network, and a Social Media Manager. She was a 2015 United Nations Foundation Social Good Fellow, and traveled to Ethiopia as an International Reporting Project New Media Fellow to report on newborn health in 2014. On her personal blog, Documama.org, she uses digital media as a new medium for her background as a documentarian. After having worked on Feature Films and Television series for FOX, NBC, MGM, Columbia Pictures, Warner Brothers, 20th Century Fox, and Castle Rock Pictures, she studied documentary filmmaking and anthropology earning a Masters degree in Media Studies from The New School in New York. Since becoming a Digital Media Producer she has worked on social media campaigns for non-profits such as Save The Children, WaterAid, ONE.org, UNICEF, United Nations Foundation, Edesia, World Pulse, American Heart Association, and The Gates Foundation. Her writing has also been featured on ONE.org, Johnson & Johnson’s BabyCenter.com, EnoughProject.org, GaviAlliance.org, and Worldmomsnetwork.com. Elizabeth has traveled to 70 countries around the world, most recently to Haiti with Artisan Business Network to visit artisans in partnership with Macy’s Heart of Haiti line, which provides sustainable income to Haitian artisans. Elizabeth lives in New England with her husband and four children.
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by Katinka | May 12, 2014 | 2014, Adoption, Adoptive Parents, Awareness, Being Thankful, Child Care, Childhood, Communication, Cultural Differences, Family, Health, Inspirational, Mental Health, Motherhood, Parenting, Penguin and Panther, Relationships, Special Needs, Stress, World Motherhood, Younger Children
Even before I became a mother, I had a particular wish for my future children. Looking back at several not so fond memories of my childhood, I vowed I would do everything for them to have a better one. They shouldn’t have to grow up too fast. They would not have to feel unwanted, misunderstood or worthless. I would guard their innocence and happiness like a hawk.
The major driving force behind the different attempts of therapy I tried throughout the years, was the well-being of my (future) kids. I wouldn’t allow mistakes in motherhood.
In fact, I didn’t want them to become like me at all. Just like the mother who really tries hard not to show her child how much she is freaked out by spiders, in order not to raise a little arachnophobic like herself. My list of not-to-pass-ons was just longer: low self esteem, perfectionism, fear of failure, social clumsiness, easy overstimulation and of course CFD: ‘continuously fretting disorder’.
The first five years of motherhood, I had the impression I could accomplish all this. I actually felt like the perfect mother: patient, involved, crafty, warm. I even managed to stick to my not-to-pass-on-list. It would cost me quite some effort, but I would not interfere when my son was building a crooked tower, so he could not catch my perfectionism. Trying not to pass on perfectionism while desperately trying to be a perfect mother. It may sound absurd now, but back then, it totally made sense.
Three years ago, my perfect balance in motherhood shifted drastically. When our son turned five, we couldn’t ignore anymore that he was going to develop at a speed different from his peers. At the same time, our adopted daughter arrived, aged two and a half.
They both forced me to face my demons better than any therapy has ever done throughout the years.
My son and I, we discovered developing an intelligence and sensitivity far beyond our physical age, is a struggle we share. Where his friends will watch a grazing cow on a field trip and complain about the stench, he will likely try to understand why this mammal has four stomachs, how to measure the circumference of the pasture and how long it would take for the cow to eat all that grass. And how much dung it would have produced by then, of course. His sense of humour is still a seven year old’s.
My daughter and I, we’ve been battling childhood trauma and attachment disorder together. We cried together in the shower numerous times, holding each other fiercely. The battle has been rough. It still is. Sometimes I just can’t comfort her like I should, because I need comforting myself. But she amazes me with a resilience I just can’t manage. She might be jumping on the trampoline and singing imaginary happy-songs, while I crash on the couch to mentally recover from holding her mourning and kicking little body for over half an hour.
It has been extremely painful to see my least fond childhood memories revive in my kids.
Comforting a son that feels like an alien, desperately trying to cover up his super powers because he just wants to blend in. Reassuring a daughter that follows me around the house like a puppy because she just can’t believe she won’t be abandoned again.
Painful. Heart wrenching. And feeding the CFD by the tons.
However, I’m seeing now that our struggles do not necessarily have to be the same. Because, you know, they have me. Of course I can’t protect them from being hurt. No mother can do that for her children. It’s one of the curses of being a mother.
But as it turns out, as a ‘damaged’ mother, I might be the perfect guide for my heavy-hearted children.
I’m teaching my son first handed how to make use of his extraterrestrial powers, without a need to blend in. I’m even coaching him in failing and making mistakes without believe it’s the end of the world. I surely acknowledge how important that lesson is. He’ll get it much earlier than I did.
I’m confidently ignoring outsiders’ advice on how to deal with my daughter’s anxieties, since I recognize how she feels. When she’s grieving, I guard her like an eagle that will not allow anyone to question or mock her tears of grief. I’m determined to give her what I never got. I will make her feel loved and understood. Unconditionally.
Me, I’ve only discovered how to find happiness after a painful and lonely journey.
I intend to show my children all the short cuts.
They will have a splendid childhood.
How do you see your own childhood reflected in your children? Is it mostly warm or can it be painful as well?
This is an original post to World Moms Blog by K10K from The Penguin and The Panther.
The picture in this post is credited to the author.
If you ask her about her daytime job, Katinka will tell you all about the challenge of studying the fate of radioactive substances in the deep subsurface. Her most demanding and rewarding job however is raising four kids together with five other parents, each with their own quirks, wishes and (dis)abilities. As parenting and especially co-parenting involves a lot of letting go, she finds herself singing the theme song to Frozen over and over again, even when the kids are not even there...
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