This morning, I received news that a friend’s little boy had died. During the weekend, he was wading in a river with his dad and brother, and he got pulled underwater by a current. He was immediately taken to hospital, and the doctors and nurses tried oh-so-hard to pull him through while we – friends and family members – held vigil at our computers, anxiously awaiting updates.
Luke was just seven years old. He was a vibrant kid with his whole life ahead of him. When he woke up one morning, he was excited about a day of fun with his dad and brother. Two days later, his parents are having to talk about funeral arrangements and child-sized caskets. There is no possible way for me to imagine what it’s like.
But when I look at my younger son, who is just a few months older than Luke was, my heart gives an almighty twist. I am hit hard with the realization that this is the kind of accident that could happen to anyone, that life is so incredibly fragile, that nothing should ever be taken for granted.
My mind offers up unwelcome images of my son lying in a hospital bed, with the warmth of life leaving his body. It is like looking into an abyss. It is a glimpse of the kind of blackness and despair that I hope to never experience.
It hurts me to think of a friend going through it. How will her heart handle the agony of burying her child?
What will these next days, weeks and months be like for her? What will she do on birthdays and Christmases? How will she and her other children comfort each other?
This tragedy makes me examine my parenting under a microscope. It brings home the reality that being a mom is truly a privilege, one that can be taken away at any time, by any sequence of events. It makes me realize that while planning for the future is important, so is living in the moment.
I hug my children a lot, and they know that I am there for them any time of the day or night. But they also see me getting way too stressed out about little things that don’t matter, and if this tragedy is going to change me in any way, that will be it.
So what if the floor is full of toys? Who cares if my kid gets toothpaste all over the bathroom floor? Does it really matter if they track mud into the house or fail to put their dirty laundry into the hamper?
The answer, of course, is no. It doesn’t matter. Yes, I will continue trying to teach them about taking responsibility, and cleaning up after themselves, and being helpful. But I will also try to keep things in perspective, and react to the little things in little ways instead of big ways.
Because the toys on the floor, the toothpaste on the bathroom floor, the mud on the carpet and the dirty socks draped on the furniture are reminders of what I have, and how rich I truly am.
What lessons have you learned from tragedies? Has anything caused a shift in an aspect of your parenting?
This is an original post by Kirsten Doyle for World Moms Blog. Kirsten can be found over at her blog, Running for Autism, or on her Facebook page. You can also follow her on Twitter @running4autism.
Photo credit: AdamSelwood. This picture has a creative commons attribution license.
Kirsten Doyle (Canada)
Kirsten Doyle was born in South Africa. After completing university, she drifted for a while and finally washed up in Canada in 2000. She is Mom to two boys who have reached the stage of eating everything in sight (but still remaining skinny). Kirsten was a computer programmer for a while before migrating into I.T. project management. Eventually she tossed in the corporate life entirely in order to be a self-employed writer and editor. She is now living her best life writing about mental health and addictions, and posting videos to two YouTube channels. When Kirsten is not wrestling with her kids or writing up a storm, she can be seen on Toronto's streets putting many miles onto her running shoes. Every year, she runs a half-marathon to benefit children with autism, inspired by her older son who lives life on the autism spectrum. Final piece of information: Kirsten is lucky enough to be married to the funniest guy in the world. Connect with her on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. Be sure to check out her YouTube channels at My Gen X Life and Word Salad With Coffee!
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So sorry for your friend’s loss. This was beautifully written Kirsten.
“Because the toys on the floor, the toothpaste on the bathroom floor, the mud on the carpet and the dirty socks draped on the furniture are reminders of what I have, and how rich I truly am.” So true! Thank you for the reminder!!
Kirsten, you are so right. What a heart breaking, horrible thing to have happened and I feel so for your friend. The small things do drive us insane sometimes don’t they? But they really are nothing compared to the big picture. Beautiful post.
So sorry to hear about the tragedy.
Last week I received a message that my dear friend’s 12 year old niece has died of cancer. She was the only child in this family. What a terrible thing.
I looked at my two not-always-angels and I thought the same as you – it doesn’t matter that you drive me crazy sometimes, that you make this place look like I never ever clean, that you’re so picky and don’t like what I cook sometimes… The thing that matters is that you are here and with me and that I can touch you, kiss you and hug you every single day!
Can’t even imagine how terrible that must be to lose a child.
I am so sorry for your friend’s loss. This should neve rhappen to anyone… but happens to often random people…it’s not fair. Your post is so beautiful it made me all tear up. And now excuse me, I have to go and hug my children.
Thank you Kirsten,
You hit the nail on the head. Your post was beautifully written and incredibly insightful. Please give your boys a hug for me. 🙂
This is heartbreaking.
I can hardly read this, so i can’t even imagine how this must be like for you and for your friend. I am so sorry for your loss.
You are right, toys on the floor are not that important.
You are so right, in perspective, the little things just don’t matter, do they? What a heartbreaking story, Kirsten! I am thinking of Luke’s family.
Jen 🙂
Your message is well said. My deepest condolences to you and your friend, her family, and all who are affected. XO!
Perspective is everything isn’t it? It’s too bad that it has come at such a price. My deepest condolences. Sending virtual hugs to all xx
These stories break my heart and terrify me. These things should not happen to anyone. No parent should have to live through losing a child.