My husband and I had been puzzling over the Boy Scouts of America for some time. My husband was a scout, and we assumed our boys would be too. There are so many positives to the club – building life skills, fostering peer relationships, and helping in the community. However, when we learned of the anti-LGBT policies of the scouts (currently banning non-heterosexual parents from leadership and expelling gay scouts), we were dismayed. We weighed the variables.
We live in a rural area, and there isn’t a plethora of choices. BSA talks about re-assessing their policies from time to time, so maybe they’ll change their stance before our kids are older. My husband and I are not in the LGBT community, so while we oppose the policies, it wouldn’t prohibit us specifically from participating. And my 7 year old has classmates joining the local troop. In the end though, we just couldn’t do it. We felt that joining would send the message to the Boy Scouts, our kids, and the greater community, that we can turn a blind eye because this bigotry doesn’t affect us directly. We couldn’t reconcile that.
Before going on, I need to say that there are people in my life whom I respect and admire tremendously, who are amazing parents, and who do participate in the Boy Scouts. I don’t judge them nor am I addressing their specific decisions. I’m writing this to share why we made this choice for our family.
Since my husband and I decided to walk away from the idea of scouts, we were left to come up with an alternative. I decided to ask some local friends if they would be interested in forming a club. We could get the kids together once a month to work on life skills and socialize….sort of like a playdate with projects. If it sticks, over time we can consider appropriate community service endeavors. It would be open to boys and girls, and either moms or dads would be welcome to participate. I found several families who liked the idea and were willing to share the load of hosting monthly meetings and picking out projects for the kids.
So we recently had our initiation meeting at my home. I gathered the kiddos around to pick a club name. They had many suggestions, but voting results deemed “Awesome Club” the winner. Once we had our name, I had them come up with ground rules for our meetings. Check out their list:
• Treat others as you want to be treated.
• Keep your hands to yourself.
• Don’t interrupt.
• No swearing or hurtful words. Encourage each other and be positive.
• Respect your resources. Use the project materials and tools properly, and take care of the host’s property.
• Don’t touch people’s stuff.
• Give each other space.
Once we were all on the same page, my husband took the kids outside for their first project: cleaning their bikes’ chains. Then we sent them loose on our collection of homemade ramps and jumps.
We’ll see how the club goes from here. Life gets busy, and I suspect people will come and go as it works. However, we have about 10 kids in the mix with meetings and projects scheduled through the summer, including a campout at the local park. It’s a good start and definitely feels like an “awesome club” for our son.
How do you decide which clubs are right for your children? Have you had a moral dilemma when selecting an activity, and how did you resolve it?
This has been an original post to World Moms Blog by Tara B. of Washington (State) USA.
Photo credit to the author.
What a great idea Tara! Recently, one of my sons’s friend’s mom asked me if I would enroll my son with hers, and I said no since I don’t believe what they stand for. I explained that even though I am not involved with politics, this is an issue that is near and dear to my heart since I have family and friends who are part of the LGBT community, and it is not the message that I want my children learning. In fact, I would be surprised if my son’s current best friend doesn’t grow up to be gay, and I wouldn’t want my son to shun him because of a club that he belongs to does. Luckily we live in NYC where there are a lot of alternatives for my son.
I love that you created your own club and it includes everybody (that’s one thing I never understood…..why there are separate boys and girls clubs). And it is most definitely an awesome club! 🙂
Thanks for your comments! I also have friends in the LGBT community who are wonderful parents and mentors. I can’t imagine telling my son that another child’s parent isn’t “safe” or “fit” to participate based on whom they love. Plus, we don’t know how our children will lean come puberty. I can’t imagine having my son participate in something for 10 years and then be excused, dismissing all his efforts, because of his natural orientation. Hopefully the BSA will change this policy sooner than later.
That’s just AWESOME! 🙂
I’m sad that the Scouts have an anti- LGBT policy. One of my brothers is gay. He’s also a psychologist and a terrific human being! I’m SO sick of discrimination!!
Even the South African Constitution is supposed to protect EVERYONE from discrimination. We’re ALL supposed to have the same rights under the law. This is brilliant in theory, unfortunately (in practice) to paraphrase George Orwell in Animal Farm; “We were all created equal but some are more equal than others”!! 🙁
Thank you, Simona! And yes, we still have a way to go on this. But it seems, at least where I am, that each generation is more open and tolerant. That gives me hope.
I also have not signed my boys up for Boy Scouts for the same reason, but have had my girls in girl scouts. I feel bad that the boys are missing out on what my husband had as a great childhood experience, but feel too uncomfortable with the organization, and like you think there are other ways they will have to get those experiences.
I have friends whose daughters are in Girl Scouts. What a positive, open organization! Camp Fire USA is also a great organization that forms troops that include both boys and girls together, multi-age, and allows parent to participate regardless of LGBT status. It’s a bummer that the Boy Scouts cannot mirror them. My husband had a great time in scouts as a kid, so we really want to find ways our boys can have those experiences in a way that matches the value system of our home.
I have girls, so I haven’t had to think about Boy Scouts. I have family members and friends in the organization, but I look for organizations for my family that are all inclusive.
I admire your ability to start your own club!
Jen 🙂
Thanks, Jen! So far it’s been fun. Hopefully we can keep with it and build in some community service in the near future.
Well done! I wish every town had an awesome club! I don’t have boys but if I did I know I wouldn’t be able to let them join the Boy Scouts for the same reasons you mentioned.