When our son brought my husband in I said I wasn’t going to get up and asked him to put some towels underneath me. I was determined to stay as still as possible in the fear-filled hope that the intense labor contractions wouldn’t begin. I continued breastfeeding our daughter in the exact same position. Even though nothing else happened besides what seemed like endless gushes of water, I felt more and more scared.
I wanted my husband to talk to the midwife and to the doctor because I didn’t feel like communicating with anyone. Nothing else mattered except staying still. I told my fear-altered self that if I stood still enough I wouldn’t actually go into labor and would simply be whisked off to the hospital for a simple and painless C-section.
Way deep inside me, a weak little voice tried to tell me things like “Remember what you prepared yourself for”, “You give birth so fast, your baby will be born in the car if you go to the hospital”, “You don’t want to get that awful epidural for no reason”, and so on. (more…)