“Come here, baby…”
He snuggled closer to me, allowing me to inhale a faint smell of his shampoo on his thick, getting-too-long hair.
For a boy who is no longer a baby who can be dead stubborn about his ways sometimes, I am lucky he still wants to snuggle close to his mother.
His working mother that is.
Yes, I returned to the corporate world last December after being a work-from-home mom for almost a year.
While I enjoyed returning to my old job, excited that my previous employer offered it to me, and happy to see my old friends again, there’s part of me that feels guilty – again.
Same old cycle of guilt…the working mom’s guilt.
This guilt isn’t something new to me. I’ve been here before nearly 3 years ago. Sitting here feeling guilty for I am losing time with my son.
“Are you okay with Mommy going back to work?” gently, I kissed the top of his head.
“Yes, but I like being with Mommy.” He looked up and stared right into my soul, making me want to hold him tighter.
“And I like being with you too buddy, but Mommy has to work.”
“To buy me Legos?” This time his eyes lit up.
“Yes of course, and to buy other things that you need.”
“Like paying for my school?” He mentioned the name of his soon-to-be elementary school.
“Daddy pays for that. Mommy is helping buy other things for school, okay? Don’t you worry about that!” I gave him a serious look. God forbid my child has to worry about the cost of his schooling. School in Jakarta is very expensive and that is worth a different post on its own.
Yes, of course there are public schools, but unfortunately the quality isn’t very good and even at the good ones, it still costs a lot of money. So that’s one of the reasons I decided to return to working full-time outside the home.
It’s only been a little over a month now since I went back to work full-time. With my schedule and commute, I have to leave at 6 every morning. Add my gym schedule of 3 to 4 times a week with my friends after work. Yeah, I realize I’ve been spending a lot of time away from him.
So to ease the guilt, I will soon take a weekend off and spend it in a hotel with him. Just us two. Like we did over a year ago.
I know it’s still early and we both still need to adjust to the new beat of our lives, but we are happy, we are joyful – and that’s what matters, right?
Are you a working mom? Have you ever feel guilty for not being a stay at home mom? How do you deal with it?
This is an original post for World Moms Blog by our single-mother of one, Maureen of the blog, Scoops of Joy, of Indonesia.
Photo credit to the author.