I’m not going to apologize for being sad.
I have been thinking a lot lately about how it has been two weeks, 15 days to be exact, since my miscarriage (well, finding out about it anyway). And how although I have so many friends who have been supportive and such, I sense that the general feeling in our culture, when death happens, or a loss occurs, is to “get over it”.
Scattered throughout my days I hear these messages whispered in my ear..
occupy your time
you will get over this
I suppose in some ways I’m telling myself those things. I know people mean well. It’s just in our culture to stick a band-aid on things that are wounded and keep on going.
But you know what? I don’t want to get over it. Not right now. Nope. I’m sitting down right here on the ground and crossing my legs in the sand. I don’t care if it has been two weeks, or six… or two years or a decade. Maybe never. (more…)
As we approach International Peace Day (Sept. 21st), I thought I would talk about something that has a lot to do with the subject: discouraging prejudice among our children – in this case, prejudice related to gender and sexuality.
Although things have improved a lot over the past 20-30 years, Brazil is still quite a chauvinistic country. This is particularly true in the Northeast, the region we live in.
I became especially aware of this a couple of years ago when we found out our second child was going to be a girl. All of a sudden my husband became the center of not-so-funny jokes, where male friends and relatives (childless or fathers only to male children) would keep telling him things like “so now you are a provider” (of a female for their male sons) or “prepare to suffer in a few years” (i.e., when she began to date).
Those who had girls would keep quiet or say things like “wait until they get a girl”.
Other less-than-funny comments began after our daughter was born and started to interact with baby boys. Often, in such situations, when the boy touches her in some way (even if accidentally!) the father will say something like, “see, he’s already a girl catcher”.
Another example: when our son (now eight) was a baby, an acquaintance, who visited us shortly after he was born, went as far as lowering his diaper to check out the size of his penis. Later I realized this was far more common than I thought as I saw it happen to other baby boys.
All of this bothers both my husband and I immensely, but when we complain or comment about it, most people just shrug it off and say we are taking everything too seriously. (more…)
I grew up without a nanny. Here in the Philippines, a family with small kids without a nanny trailing after them is a rare sight. My mom, who is a housewife, was relatively young when she gave birth to me, so she was more than capable of raising me on her own. A couple of months after my first birthday my brother was born, and so my mom had two of us to care for. She continued to do this all on her own, without the help of a nanny.
Since I grew up solely under the care of my mother, I was determined not to leave any of my children with a nanny once I had my own.
It seemed simple enough when I was young and carefree. Then my son happened. At the time, my husband (who was still my boyfriend back then) and I were still in college. We had no steady jobs and no home of our own. And so it was decided that we would live with my parents. It was an ideal arrangement since my mom would be home and ready and able to lend a hand, answer any questions, or step in when I’d be too tired to function.
Throughout my pregnancy until my son’s first birthday, my mom and I worked in tandem caring for him every day. As if I couldn’t get any luckier, my husband has always been very hands-on with our child. Yes, he gave him a bath and changed his diapers, fed him and played with him. Name it, my husband’s done it. (more…)
I came to Sahaj Marg before I was born. Well, as confusing as that statement may seem like, it is not. It has been the most startling revelation I have had over the past few years since I became a mother. When did I know my son? Of course, before he was born; when he was within me, a tiny cell; and I dare say, even before that, when conception was yet to take place.I always knew I would be a mother some day and be as loving and sacrificial and benevolent as my mother is. I knew my baby back then, I just had not met him. Similarly, I have not yet met God, but I am coming closer to doing so every day. Sahaj Marg, or “the natural path,” says God is within you; seek him there. And the only way you can do that is in silence. So, sit in silence, call it meditation if you want, feel that Godliness within you, hug it as close as possible and revel in it. It is very simple.
All wonderful things in life are very simple. I will not say if they are difficult or easy. Motherhood is simple and natural, though someone like me cannot claim it to be ‘easy’. But I am forever learning and rejoicing in my new found experiences and motherhood milestones. (more…)
When I was a kid, the sexes in my household were nicely evened out. There was a mother and a father, a son and a daughter. Even the numerous family pets were split more or less fifty-fifty.
When I take stock of my current household, things are very different. There’s my husband and my two sons. And then there’s me, the sole representative of my gender. We don’t even have any pets to swing the balance.
I am seriously outnumbered, and my family takes great pleasure in letting me know that. “Gang up on Mommy” games feature regularly in our lives. It’s a great deal of fun, and we all get a lot of laughs out of it.
It also means that I have to live with an inordinate amount of boy humour, which, let’s face it, boys never grow out of. I live with three people who have contests to see who can fart the loudest. (more…)