Tough as it may be, it’s going through this challenging time as a mom that has been harder to handle.
In the beginning, there were times when I just wanted to go away and be alone. Twice, I lost my temper at my son. But just as soon as I did that, guilt washed over me. I immediately apologised and held him tight in my arms, assuring him it wasn’t his fault.
This whole experience got me thinking about how I should deal with tough times as a mom. More importantly, how can I help my son to cope with challenges in life?
While I feel a need to be strong for my son’s sake, I don’t want to pretend that things are fine. After all, setbacks are a reality of life and even the little one experiences a bit of that once in a while – like when mommy and daddy refused to buy him a toy even though he was bawling his eyes out and his voice was turning hoarse from crying.
However, at two-and-a-half years-old, he is too young to understand what happened. Yet, I believe he can sense that I’m feeling down, and it probably affected him, as he did throw more tantrums than normal when I was riding out the emotional roller coaster.
But it’s never too early to start thinking. So I imagine the day when my son is old enough, and what I would say.
I would tell him that life is not a well-cushioned straight path. Instead, it will be an undulating road with some tricky bends along the way. He will fall, he will get hurt, and sometimes, it can hurt real bad.
I also want to tell him that we do not want to be protective parents that shield him from pains of life (unless it’s going to be detrimental to his well-being), because they are necessary to make him wiser and stronger. But, we will be there for him, not to try to fix things, but to offer guidance and support as he overcomes the obstacles.
I want him to know that I have faith in him to be an overcomer, that he is stronger than he thinks, and hold on to faith, for God will always there for him.
I hope that he will be a resilient child who will have in him the tenacity to keep trying, creativity to explore new options in overcoming challenges and strength of heart to take things in his stride.
I, too, hope that we will be able to model for him the right attitude in dealing with life’s challenges and inculcate in him a positive mindset and a realistic optimism that will enable him to bounce back from setbacks.
That’s what I’ve been trying to do, to look at the positive side of things and to deal with the circumstances with strength and faith.
It hasn’t been easy. There were many times I was tempted to ask “Why me?”, “Why did this happen?” but I know it won’t help. Such questions will only leave me feeling frustrated, knowing that I’ll never find a good enough answer that satisfies. So instead, I ask, “How can I cope better?” and “How can I turn this into a positive experience?”
That change of mindset helped. I also started counting my blessings a lot; there’s really so much we can be thankful for.
My husband has also been supportive and understanding. He tries to help out in whatever ways he could, such as spending time with our son, so that I can have some space of my own.
As a family, we are also heading to the parks and gardens more; I find nature such a comforting balm.
I’m still going through the situation now, but I’m so much more at peace and centred.
There are things in life for which we will never find an answer to but I will hold on to my faith and believe that God allowed things to happen for a good reason and in His time, it will all turn out beautiful.
How do you cope with personal challenges without affecting your kids?
This is an original post to World Moms Blog by Ruth Wong from Singapore. She’s a work-at-home-mom who also blogs at The Mommy Cafe.
Photo credit to thepathtraveler, freedigitalphotos.net