I dropped my baby.

There, I said it.  I feel awful about it.  I mean, sit on the floor, head in my hands, sobbing awful about it.  

I had her in my left arm with her head over my shoulder, and we were making our way to the kitchen.  While in my older daughter’s room, I reached up with my right hand to pull the cord to turn off the ceiling fan…and then…blast!…she took off like a runner from a runner’s post.

She kicked me away and then backdived to my left all in one swoop. The perfect escape.  The moment seemed to last an eternity.

I caught her with my left hand. Relief.  But no. All 4 and 1/2 months and 16 lbs of gravity dropped on my arm like a medicine ball onto a sheet of “the other leading brand” of plastic wrap, falling closer, closer to the carpeted ground.

My right hand made a failed rescue attempt, too.  I’m a 5 foot 10 inches tall woman, and my desperation attempts kept her from falling from that high or on her head. Phew. She fell on her side, less than a foot from the ground. All I know is that I went down with her in the save attempt.

She cried.  It pierced my heart like a knife.  I picked her up.  (Was that what I should have done first thing?) I nursed her to calm her down. I was sobbing hysterically. And, at that inopportune moment, my four-year old made like Columbo (a T.V. detective) and started giving me the first degree.

She was asking, “What room did you drop her?” “How did it happen?”  “Where EXACTLY did she fall?” “Were you holding anything else?”  Then she said, “Mommy, stop crying and answer the questions!”

I couldn’t answer.

Then, I answered “In the other room” and “I can’t talk about this now.” I just wanted her to stop asking because it made me more worried. I calmed myself down.

And, my baby. My baby came up for air and she…smiled.  Oh, the feeling inside of me.  Please be ok.  She moved around and cooed.  She was happy again.  Oh, please stay this way!

I checked out her arm and side, and they seemed fine.  She was playing in her exersaucer and later shaking maraccas with both hands.  We got a free pass.  This time.

I then sat down with my Colomboesque 4-year old and answered the questions. She had been very worried about her sister, and I couldn’t keep it together when it all happened.  That must have been even scarier for her.

I beat myself up about the incident that morning.  Repeating thoughts in my head of, “Why didn’t you put her down first?” “Was the fan REALLY that important?” “What were you THINKING???” “You could have really hurt her!”  I was so mad at myself.  “Two hands!! Always hold her with TWO HANDS!!”

I love her so much, and I was so frustrated.  I learned to forgive myself and promised to be more careful (don’t we always promise that anyway? well then, super-duper vigilant and careful).

It’s a really tough, emotional thing when you’re responsible for an accident that hurts your child.  And, it’s completely embarrassing to admit that it happened.  I know I’m not a perfect mom to begin with — none of us are, right? — but this, just ugh!! 

So, mothers of the world, today, if you have small children, hold them a little closer to you, put them down before reaching for anything and keep the hot beverages away.  If I can prevent even just one mishap by making you cringe at my story, then it was worth the uncomfortableness of posting it. What a morning it was.

Now on to our week in review…

We started off the week in Minnesota, USA with Galit Breen’s post, “Raising Racism“.  But, it feels like we never left Monday, because comments continued on this post all throughout the week.  There are 50+ comments!  Galit talks about the book, Nurture Shock, by Po Bronson & Ashley Merryman, and specifically, the chapter on racism.  Come see what everyone is talking about!

A 3,000 mile trip to help her son follow his dreams!  Dr. Jeanelle Marshawn Lanham told her story on Tuesday of being a single mom raising two boys, one of which is off to college this autumn — to his dream performance arts school in New York City!  Dr. Lanham talks about how she has prepared herself for his leaving the nest.  A motivational read!

Wednesday, we traveled to Massachusetts, USA, where Courtney Cappallo, unleashed her feelings about whether you know if you’re done having children, or not.  Courtney is convinced that she is happy with the family she has, but she may have made some of our readers reconsider their thoughts on the subject!  (Why did she have to mention new baby smell?) Come read her account!

Amy Hillis has officially made her comeback to World Moms Blog with her post, “Beyond the Pain“.  She describes her innermost thoughts on moving forward after the death of her second son.  Her story is profound.  You will grow with her upon reading!

Our first writer interview this week featured our Scheduling Editor, Kirsten Doyle of Running for Autism, from Canada, who has lived all over the world, but spent most of her time growing up in South Africa. She talks about how she suffers from social anxiety, and she is able to share her thoughts easier through her writing.

Our second interview was from Alison Lee of Mama Wants This from Malaysia, who tells us how she has decided not to enlist any help in raising her child, which separates her from most mothers in her home country.  Alison also helps with editing on the blog — she backs up our Sidebar Editor, Eva Fannon, with the Friday Question.

This Friday the World Moms have a license to BRAG (about our children!).  Come see what we adore most about our kids!

And, in news, we are now writing from Israel!  Welcome new writer, Susie Newday, from Israel to World Moms Blog!

Do you like our site?  Be sure to “Vote for us” daily by clicking on the Picket Fence Blog link in the bottom right hand column of our site, or by clicking here.

Tune in tomorrow for Kirsten Doyle’s Travel Itinerary to see where we are traveling to this coming week on the blog!

This is an original post to World Moms Blog by founder, Jennifer Burden of New Jersey, USA. 

Photo credit to Karin Dalziel.  This photo has a creative commons attribution license.

Jennifer Burden

Jennifer Burden is the Founder and CEO of World Moms Network, an award winning website on global motherhood, culture, human rights and social good. World Moms Network writes from over 30 countries, has over 70 contributors and was listed by Forbes as one of the “Best 100 Websites for Women”, named a “must read” by The New York Times, and was recommended by The Times of India. She was also invited to Uganda to view UNICEF’s family health programs with Shot@Life and was previously named a “Global Influencer Fellow” and “Social Media Fellow” by the UN Foundation. Jennifer was invited to the White House twice, including as a nominated "Changemaker" for the State of the World Women Summit. She also participated in the One Campaign’s first AYA Summit on the topic of women and girl empowerment and organized and spoke on an international panel at the World Bank in Washington, DC on the importance of a universal education for all girls. Her writing has been featured by Baby Center, Huffington Post, ONE.org, the UN Foundation’s Shot@Life, and The Gates Foundation’s “Impatient Optimists.” She is currently a candidate in Columbia University's School of International and Public Affairs in the Executive Masters of Public Affairs program, where she hopes to further her study of global policies affecting women and girls. Jennifer can be found on Twitter @JenniferBurden.

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