Our son is turning three next week. He wants a baby doll for his birthday so of course, that is what he’s getting.
I mentioned this to a friend last week and she asked what my husband thinks about it. Surprisingly, I did not even consider that he might have an opinion on the subject. In my view, our son has asked for an age-appropriate toy for his birthday so I was just going to hop online and order one that looked cute.
Turns out, I was right, and Andy just shrugged and asked if I needed him to pick it up at the toy store near his office. But, my friend’s question got me thinking about boys and dolls.
Chase is a typical three-year old boy, he loves just about anything with wheels. Right now, Thomas the Tank Engine toys maintain their ubiquitous presence in our lives but he also enjoys playing with generic race cars, taxis, buses, front end loaders, cement trucks . . .you get the idea.
But, in addition to all of the “right” kinds of interests, lately Chase is also extremely into everything involving babies.
He loves hearing the story about the day he was born, he’s always asking me if babies like this or like that. Most of his narratives while playing involve babies — my favorite is where Percy the train is pulling a freight car full of babies into the station—and, he’s divided the Thomas engines up into “big boy” engines and “baby” engines using “baby-talk” to have them communicate with each other. (This is all very cute, but at times it is heartbreaking for me since I’ve actually been trying to have another baby for about two years now, but that subject has its own post!).
Nearly all of his little three-year old friends have become older siblings in the last few months so he has seen lots of babies doing all sorts of new things like breastfeeding and rolling over or smiling for the first time. It’s very interesting for him so of course, he wants a doll for his birthday!
I never understood the thinking that dolls are exclusively for girls. My father was always very involved in my life—he gave bottles, changed diapers, pushed strollers—when, in the early to mid 1970s that was not always in vogue for dads to do.
My sister and I were raised to view caring for one’s own children as neither a uniquely feminine nor masculine role.
When Chase was just learning to walk, I bought him a doll stroller to bring to the playground. It was a good tool for those wobbly days before he really mastered the art of walking. And, he needed a proper place to put his Elmo doll, after all!
On one of our first outings with his little stroller I struck up a conversation with another mom who mentioned that she bought the same stroller for her son, but her husband “made” her return it. She said that her husband insisted that she buy him a lawn mower toy instead because the stroller was too “girly”.I thought this was interesting so asked a few questions: (1) does your husband ever take the boy out to the playground without you (“yes, of course”); (2) is the playground within walking distance for your 14 month old son (“no, of course not”); (3)does your husband use the stroller (“yes, all the time”); (4) do you have backyard with a lawn on the Upper East side of Manhattan (“right, I see your point”).
In all likelihood, her child has no context for which parent should and should not push a baby stroller and which parent should or should not push a lawn mower. In his eyes, as in my son’s, dads push kids in strollers just as much as moms do. As far as Chase knows, both parents feed him, change his diapers, give him a bath and put him down for a nap. These are the types of tasks that he mimics when he plays with dolls at his cousin’s house. And, exactly the types of nurturing behavior that I look forward to watching him develop as he grows up.
So, it’s off to the toy store for me. I’m buying my son a doll.
How do you feel about gender roles and toys?
This is an original post to World Moms Blog by Allison Charleston of NY, USA. Allison is our city-dwelling, attorney-gone-stay-at-home mom!
Photo credit to Mr. Adwin. This photo has a creative commons no derivatives attribution license.
Good for you. All my boys had dolls as babies and as teenagers they are now the most balanced kids I know. All my friends comment on how good they are with babies and small children at a time when it is usually considered ‘uncool’ for teenage boys to want anything to do with babies.
I played with trucks and cars as a child and my brother and his mates played with my dolls.
Balance is what kids need and these days just as many dads look after babies and cook and clean as mum’s do (well maybe not quite as many). It’s all a part of raising our kids to be open minded and balanced.
Wonderful point about balance. Glad to hear that your teenagers are compassionate and caring kids, I’m sure you are proud!
Alison,
Good for you! My daughter often asks for toys that society would consider to be more for boys. She’s a big fan of dinosaurs! I think a child should play with what interests them, and we, as parents, should foster their interests when possible.
You are not alone in your thinking! This topic came up with our writer in Norway way back in December 2010. http://worldmomsblog.com/2010/12/02/what-if-your-son-likes-dolls/
Check with Asta, our writer from Norway — you both can have a good conversation on this topic!
Veronica Samuels 🙂
Thanks Veronica!! I had forgotten about that post! I must say, though that I think its viewed differently when girls have an interest in “boy” things than when boys like “girl” things. I don’t truly understand it . . .unfortunately, I think it has something to do with the fact that “traditional” women’s roles are somehow still viewed as “less than” . . not as important as “traditional” men’s roles. We have the power as mom’s to change that, though!!
Very interesting post! And I honestly don’t know what I would do. My little lad has now started to show an interest in his teddy bears, which he didn’t in the beginning. If he asked for a doll – I would probably find a doll that didn’t necessarily have a cute pink dress on, but I would get him one. No point getting him a toy car if he doesn’t want it, is there?
Very true, I actually got him a doll with a pink and white pajama set on!! But, I resisted the urge to get him the matching PJs in his own size!! I think we just have to support their interests at a particular time with appropriate toys and books. Although, Chase has managed to put his interest in babies even in his train games!!
Great post! I love learning this about your son as well as your views! Our daughter is not interested in dolls at all. I’m sort of happy about that, but sometimes wish she would show more of an interest. She loves trains, trucks and all the typical boy things. Oh, and animals…..She loves animals.
It’s funny though, you got me thinking and I guess I never realized how old-fashioned I must be. I think if my son were interested in dolls, I might have a hard time with it. Not so hard that I wouldn’t let him play with them or anything, but I would probably hesitate a bit. I guess I am not as modern as I would like to be! Thanks for the thought provoking read.
Thanks for the comment, Jill! I never really thought about it either until Chase expressed an interest! The other day I went to the playground with a friend who also have a son and we brought lots of cars, trucks, and “boy toys”, but when we looked over, our sons had traded their cars for a pink baby doll, a doll stroller and pink “Hello Kitty” ball. It was quite funny. I guess at the end of the day if we teach them to be nurturing it doesn’t matter what toys they choose. 🙂
Way to support your son with his interests. I have 2 boys, and my older son (now 5) LOVES the colors pink, red, and purple. We got him a Leapster (game device) a while back, picking the “boy” version that is green and blue. When it malfunctioned, he asked if he could get the one that is pink and purple. He wanted to know if that was ok and asked if it was only for girls. I told him it’s the exact same toy, just different colors. So we talked about how some people may feel boys should like one color and girls another, but really, that’s seems silly (which he agreed with). I told him he can like any color and should not feel funny about it. If he wants his future gaming device to be pink with unicorns, that’s fine by me. Being a strong, confident boy/man (or girl/woman) doesn’t hinge on what color you like. My husband knows this and sets a wonderful example for my son by wearing hot pink crocs without shame 😉
Oh…and I think it is so sweet your boy wants a doll. It shows he is caring and nuturing, and as you point out, has plenty of examples of a Dad taking care of a little one. Good stuff!
This is such a great post! And I think you are doing what is developmentally appropriate for your son – which is perfect =) At my older daughter’s pre-school class there was a couple of families having a second child so the teachers talked about babies, read books about babies and even set up a baby dramatic play area with baby dolls, strollers, cribs, etc…and guess who played with them? Girls AND boys =)
I agree with you and don’t see anything wrong with a boy having a doll. We bought my son a doll when I was pregnant with my daughter. I thought it would help him with the transition and he loved it. I also think it is important that boys are nurturing and caring parents. Practicing with a doll is a great way to start.
We bought my son a little kitchen and were faced with the same reaction, as though boys never cook. Ridiculous!! I think that kind of thinking is old fashion and outdated.
Happy doll shopping!!
Cute post! I don’t have any issues like this yet – my baby is a girl and she is only 5 1/2 months. But my co-workers had a conversation recently about their young boys (3ish) fascinated with the color pink and wanting to wear pink clothes. One boy wanted to dress like a princess! Apparently he has a bunch of girls in his preschool class that were all dressing up like princesses for Halloween and that’s what he got to wear! Just think of the pictures as blackmail for when he’s older 🙂
I’m looking forward to buying my daughter her first remote control car! She’s very much into choo-choo trains and I think I might get her a set of Hot Wheels sooner rather than later. Sounds like most moms here agree – it’s important to let your kids explore and to be supportive of their interest. Go Chase — and go Chase’s mommy!
Our boys all have had dolls around and the youngest (19 months) is seriously into feeding all the dolls and teddies in the house. The older two boys had a great game called fairies fishing which they played constantly when they were smaller – yes in their fairy dresses and with fishing rods. There are a lot of hang-ups about gender related toys here too – it’s such a yawn as far as I am concerned…if they’re interested in something they’re interested.
Our boys all have had dolls around and the youngest (19 months) is seriously into feeding all the dolls and teddies in the house. The older two boys had a great game called fairies fishing which they played constantly when they were smaller – yes in their fairy dresses and with fishing rods. There are a lot of hang-ups about gender related toys here too – it’s such a yawn as far as I am concerned…if they’re interested in something they’re interested.