SINGAPORE:  Find Time to Play

SINGAPORE: Find Time to Play

play with kids 2Since the start of the year, my daughter, Sophie, has been asking me to play with her as soon as we get home from work. I think it has to do with her anxiety about entering primary one in a year’s time (the age where formal studies start in Singapore). The teachers in her childcare have  been telling her that she’ll have no time to play because she’ll have homework from school.

Some days, I’m glad to put down everything and play with her. But on other days, I’ll tell her to play on her own so that I can get down to the household chores. And on one of those days, when I was tired and frustrated after a full-day’s work, I lashed out at her for not being able to play independently when I have a hundred-and-one chores to see to, only to have her respond in tears.

When I questioned why she was so upset, she told me in between sobs that all children like to play and she really would like mummy to play with her.

A missed opportunity to play with your child, is a missed opportunity to enter their world and bond with them.

I can sense that my daughter’s request to play with her is really her way of saying:

“I want to spend time with you mummy”

“I want to do things with you daddy”

“I want you to be beside me”

While I may have my own agenda of what bonding with my daughter means, taking her to the playground, playing Lego, doing craft work, cooking pancakes together, her request is simply to put down what I’m doing and play with her.

And how can I allow her childhood to slip by without being a part of it? After all, we may not always have these moments:

  • when our child still wants to play hide and seek with us
  • our child asks for yet another bedtime story
  • they hug us with all their might to show that they really really really love us
  • they tickle us with the silliest things they say and infect us with their contagious laughter till our belly aches
  • their little hands reach for ours looking for security in the middle of the night
  • they plant a kiss on our cheeks and whisper, I love you mummy, for no reason at all; which melts us over and over again

The next time your child asks you to put down what you’re busy with so you can come play with her, don’t turn her down. A missed opportunity to play with your child, is a chance missed to enter her world and create special memories together.play with kids

What are some of the ways you take time out of your schedule to spend quality time playing with your child?

This is an original post to World Moms Blog from our contributor in Singapore, Susan Koh.

The images used in this post are attributed to the author.

Susan Koh

Susan is from Singapore. As a full-time working mom, she's still learning to perfect the art of juggling between career and family while leading a happy and fulfilled life. She can't get by a day without coffee and swears she's no bimbo even though she likes pink and Hello Kitty. She's loves to travel and blogs passionately about parenting, marriage and relationship and leading a healthy life at A Juggling Mom.

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SINGAPORE: When Parents Break the Rules

SINGAPORE: When Parents Break the Rules

quarrelAmong all the parenting rules in the book, no quarreling in front of the kids must rank pretty high up there. But, it’s the one that my husband and I have been flouting a lot lately, when our little five-year-old is around. And while we don’t choose to quarrel in full view of Sophie, arguments sometimes get over heated with voices raised and a quarrel ensnares. And when our voices rise, Sophie catches our bickering.

As much as we try to avoid conflict in our marriage, this is real life, where we have our failings keeping our tempers in check. As they say, familiarity breeds contempt.

I’m not proud that my daughter has to witness it, especially since she has a sensitive soul and picks up on the negative vibes quickly. And it’s even worse, when she thinks that mummy and daddy don’t love each other anymore because of our quarreling. 

Last week, hubby and I had a heated arrangement over my complete lack of organizational abilities, which sent me flying into a rage because I was already halfway through packing. With more to and fro with his expectations and my explanations, neither was ready to step back or cool off. Before we knew it, there was a shouting match.

Sophie heard the commotion and came to my room and from the corner of my eye I could see her fear.

Intermittently, my little one even jumped to my defense and told daddy to stop scolding me because I was already trying my best to pack. Her words, though comforting, also felt like a sting and made me feel so guilty that she had to see the two people that she loved most in such an ugly argument. After I calmed down, hubby finally decided to help me pack as well and we both got working.

After 15 minutes little Sophie came back with a smile on her face and said:

See mummy and daddy you’re working together. You are a team now.

Those are words of gold coming from my five-year-old.

After we were done packing, we gave each other hi-fives for work well done. I even apologized  for my lousy attitude to hubby and thanked him for helping, making sure that it was within Sophie’s ear-shot. I could see her beaming away.

As a mum, I sometimes forget that kids learn what they see and not what they hear. As much as we try to teach them to behave in a certain way, it’s what we model that will be a standard for them.  And while quarreling in front of the kids is still a no no in my opinion, children learn that parents are also human. Parents can make mistakes but what matters is having the humility to apologize and ask for forgiveness.

At the end of the day, we are far from being perfect and can only endeavor to be better dads or mums for our kids.

This is an original post for World Moms Blog from our writer in Singapore, Susan Koh of A Juggling Mom.

The image used in this post is credited to Matt Smith and holds a Flickr Creative Commons attribution license.

Susan Koh

Susan is from Singapore. As a full-time working mom, she's still learning to perfect the art of juggling between career and family while leading a happy and fulfilled life. She can't get by a day without coffee and swears she's no bimbo even though she likes pink and Hello Kitty. She's loves to travel and blogs passionately about parenting, marriage and relationship and leading a healthy life at A Juggling Mom.

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SINGAPORE: Keeping the Joy as a Working Mom

SINGAPORE: Keeping the Joy as a Working Mom

Keeping The Joy

Keeping The Joy

I may be a working mom balancing between family and work, but I’m certainly no super mom.  In Singapore, where the population is not reproducing fast enough, our government has gone to great lengths to encourage couples to get married and start a family. And after the ladies have given birth, they are encouraged to return to the work force, as human capital is pretty much our only “resource” in the nation. So like a huge majority of women, I took on a role as a full-time working mom and promptly returned to work after my maternity leave ended after four months.

Unlike most parents who leave their child in the care of their parents or in-laws, my daughter, Sophie, went to infant care at merely four months old. This was after weighing our options very carefully then, as we didn’t live with or near our parents, and we didn’t want to have a live-in helper or nanny. It wasn’t easy initially, and I can’t even remember how many sleepless nights I had when I questioned if I made the right decision to return to work, especially when Sophie fell ill or when I saw her cry when I dropped her off at the childcare center. But today, when I see how Sophie has blossomed to an independent, sociable and sensible pre-schooler, it makes me feel happy that she’s turned out better than what we prayed for and expected.

Being a working mom certainly has its challenges and the one that tops the list for me is not having enough time in a day. So here are some tips on how I manage it without losing my joy.

You Can Do Anything

You Can Do Anything

Be fully present

Once I am back from work, I’m 100% devoted to being a mom. I’m thankful that I have supportive bosses and colleagues who understand this, so they never make demands that I have to put in extra hours unless it’s crunch time in the office.

You know what they say about quality time being more important than quantity time? And for working moms it’s so true because, otherwise, we’ll always be beating ourselves up about the lack of time spent with our kids. Screen time is kept to a minimum, so that we spend good quality time together.

And maybe because Sophie is a girl, we enjoy spending time before bedtime sharing how our day went, reading books or even playing games when we feel up to it. But I’ll be totally honest and also say that we do use the TV and iPad as a nanny at times, especially when we have chores to do or when we ourselves just want a mental break on exhausting days.

Train your kids to be independent

With no help at home, Sophie is naturally trained to pick up after herself. When she was younger, we’ll give her little rewards like stickers as an incentive when she keeps her toys, folds the laundry and takes her dishes to the kitchen.

As she gets older, she’s learned that she has a responsibility to help around the house. Of course, I’ll still reward her with praises and appreciation, and she’s come to learn that she needs to do so without expecting anything in return. And these days, she’s on auto pilot-mode and will chip in around the house.

Manage your expectations

I used to strive to do everything perfectly as a mom and had a problem letting go. But when you only have that many hours in a day, I’ve learnt that I need to let go if I want to keep my sanity and my joy. So that means, closing an eye to the unfolded laundry, the times when I can’t cook dinner for the family, the mess at home, and yes, even the dirt at home.

I could get hung up about all these things and stay up late into the night to finish the chores and start the whole routine again the next day, but I know I’ll also feel very miserable and start to loathe it all. So my mantra is simply to do what’s necessary and be happy. After all, as moms, we can do anything  but not everything.

Besides, when I get stressed over all the chores, my husband hears no end of complaining and which husband appreciates that? So for him, his mantra is, a happy wife, a happy life.

Schedule me-time

I know it’s crazy to even think that working moms even have any me-time. But it is absolutely crucial to find time for myself to recharge. My me-time can be anything from going for a jog, to having a nice haircut, or even a catch up session with my girlfriends. This year, I’ve started a new hobby, Project Life, and it’s so therapeutic to look back at my life in photos and pen down the memories behind them. Plus, it’s a way of recording life so that nothing slips by and a reminder for me to cherish every moment.

So there you have it – some of my sanity tips for working moms on how to keep your joy. It’s not easy being a working mom, and I know that the person who makes it possible is my dearest hubby who is ever supportive of my decision. He’s every bit the modern husband and daddy in the 21st century who is not afraid to roll up his sleeves to do his part in parenting but also to chip in around the house. And while, he shakes his head when I tell him I still have hopes to be a domestic goddess, I know he’s glad that I’m working to bring in the dough for the family so that we can enjoy our family holidays and have my own shopping money and savings.

Are you a working mom too? If so, what are your top tips to keeping your joy as a working mom?

This is an original post by Susan Koh for World Moms Blog. She’s loves to travel and blogs passionately about parenting, marriage and relationship and leading a healthy life at www.ajugglingmom.com.

Photo credit to the author.

Susan Koh

Susan is from Singapore. As a full-time working mom, she's still learning to perfect the art of juggling between career and family while leading a happy and fulfilled life. She can't get by a day without coffee and swears she's no bimbo even though she likes pink and Hello Kitty. She's loves to travel and blogs passionately about parenting, marriage and relationship and leading a healthy life at A Juggling Mom.

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SINGAPORE: Less Stress, More Joy

SINGAPORE: Less Stress, More Joy

JoyAs a mum, some days I need a reminder to have more joy in my life. Because if I were to describe how I feel these days, it’s exhausted, tired, cranky, stressed up with my tank running low on joy.

Sure motherhood is a joy. But there are days when it can be so tiring and testing that its sucks the life out of me. It doesn’t help that my four-year-old is somehow just like me, stubborn and obstinate so when I go tough on her, it does nothing but make her comply.

Just last night, I had to raise my voice when my little one still refused to sleep at 11pm. No wonder no amount of miracle eye cream is working at erasing my panda eyes.

The truth about Motherhood is that it’s a relentless giving of self.

Without starting a working mum versus stay at home mum war, we all have untold stories of how it can be a struggle to juggle work, home, marriage and the kids. And like what I tell many people, work simply never ends. After 9 hours of work at the office,  I clock in another good 4-5 hours of work doing the cooking, washing, playing, teaching, reading, mothering in general. And while there can be sweet moments, such as when my daughter shows me a picture she’s drawn for me or tells me stories about what happened in school. There is also the nagging because she simply don’t care for bedtime or the mess she creates after playing, painting, and, yes, when she refuses to sleep …

Yes, that’s motherhood, and it probably will be like that for a good 5, 10 or 20 years of life …

But I know that this is not just the story of my life. It is the same story for most mums, regardless, if you have one child or three! Many, like me, are probably dealing with bedtime woes, battles, sibling rivalry and don’t even get me started about the dishes and laundry that are threatening to topple.

I know I’m not alone. You are not alone, too. Even on days when it feels like you’re dragging your feet to get around from being so sleep deprived and when the kids are banging on the toilet door and all you want to do is hide inside.

You. are. not. alone.

So here’s a reminder

  • Take deep breaths
  • Catch cat naps
  • Ask for help
  • Do something you enjoy
  • Have less stress and more joy by focusing on the long-term

I know it’s hard, that’s why most of us get so caught up in the day to day madness. But after hearing stories from those with grown up children, I think there is a silver lining…

As for sleep. Who needs it anyway…

Okay, I take it back, I need my coffee now!

How do you deal with the stress of motherhood? What are your tips to stay joyful?

This is an original post by Susan Koh for World Moms Blog. She’s loves to travel and blogs passionately about parenting, marriage and relationship and leading a healthy life at www.ajugglingmom.com.

Photo credit to the author.

Susan Koh

Susan is from Singapore. As a full-time working mom, she's still learning to perfect the art of juggling between career and family while leading a happy and fulfilled life. She can't get by a day without coffee and swears she's no bimbo even though she likes pink and Hello Kitty. She's loves to travel and blogs passionately about parenting, marriage and relationship and leading a healthy life at A Juggling Mom.

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SINGAPORE: Celebrating Valentine’s Day as Parents

SINGAPORE: Celebrating Valentine’s Day as Parents

World Moms, Susan Koh with her family

World Moms, Susan Koh with her family

We’re just a day away from February 14, Valentine’s Day. And like most moms, we’ve probably stopped celebrating this overrated and grossly commercialized day. In fact for most moms, it’s likely going to be like any another regular day where we send the kids off at school, rush off to work then pick them up before dinner where the whole madness begins at home with the chores, schoolwork and all.

Maybe if we’re lucky, we get a Valentine’s Day card. As for flowers and a romantic dinner set up for two, that’s something to dream about… when your head hits the pillow that is. So is this still a day worth celebrating?

I’ll say yes because we could all use a reminder that we are all wives before we became a mom.

As moms, our lives are often caught up by the day to day demands of our kids that there is hardly any time left for our spouses. And if we do get any pockets of free time, we rather choose sleep anytime. But just like plants, marriages are to be cared for and nurtured in order to blossom and bloom. And while we may not want to get sucked into celebrating Valentine’s Day, it certainly is a day we could use to show our appreciation or do something special for our husbands.

I remember that on our 7th wedding anniversary last year, we celebrated it in an unconventional way by going to a water theme park. We felt like teenagers all  over again, holding hands and laughing away as we rushed from one water slide to another, each one more exciting than the previous one.  We giggled and had so much fun that day and till now, that day still holds so much memories for me. One of the things I said to my husband is that I want us to remember that we’re husband and wife as much as we’re a mummy and daddy because that’s how this family started off as.

Some simple ways we show that we love each other is going on lunch dates since date nights are a little harder to arrange. Texting each other just to say I’m thinking of you. Always showing appreciation for the big and small things and showing our daughter that we are still very much in love with each other.  

And I’m so thankful that while I’m putting my husband first, he’s also doing the same because of this quote that he came across.

The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.

It’s not too late to plan a little something special for Valentine’s Day. In fact, if you are a practical one, everyday can be Valentine’s Day. Happy Valentine’s Day!

What are your Valentine’s Day plans as a parent? And how has was it different before you became a parent?

This is an original post by Susan Koh for World Moms Blog. She’s loves to travel and blogs passionately about parenting, marriage and relationship and leading a healthy life at www.ajugglingmom.com.

Photo credit to the author.

Susan Koh

Susan is from Singapore. As a full-time working mom, she's still learning to perfect the art of juggling between career and family while leading a happy and fulfilled life. She can't get by a day without coffee and swears she's no bimbo even though she likes pink and Hello Kitty. She's loves to travel and blogs passionately about parenting, marriage and relationship and leading a healthy life at A Juggling Mom.

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SINGAPORE: Less Stuff, More Life

SINGAPORE: Less Stuff, More Life

Mother Theresa quoteEver felt like you have way too much stuff in your life? I do and it’s causing me unnecessary stress.

I’m a little embarrassed to admit, but I’m a hoarder. I keep cereal boxes and even toilet rolls thinking that I’ll use them for craft work with my daughter, someday, someday…

Plus I’m a huge sucker for pretty home decoration and knick knacks. I also believe that a girl can never has too many pairs of shoes and a wardrobe should be well equipped for just about any occasion. And it doesn’t help that I have itchy fingers that like to dabble in new craft projects every now and then (my latest pet project is December Daily and I’m embarking on Project Life). And as a result, my house is threatening to burst at the sides…

And so for my 2014 New Year resolution, my new mantra is “Less Stuff, More Life“.

My husband was more than happy when I shared this with him. I thought I even saw his thought bubble with a huge, “It’s about time!” complete with a huge exclamation mark.

While it may be too early for New Year resolutions, it’s a good idea to think about what you want for yourself in the brand new year. I’m resolving to be intentional and purposeful with my life, time and energy. That would also means that

I will have to say no to some things in my life so that I can make space for things that truly matter.

I’m making a choice to do things that will add joy and contentment to eliminate stress and tiredness so that I can enjoy more life and go the distance.

Gifting the gift of an experience

And on that note, I’m doing something different for this Christmas. Instead of giving presents all wrapped up in a box and fancy paper, I’m choosing to give friends and family the gift of an experience. In our society, most people around me don’t need anything (though they may have plenty of wants). And I think what will make it meaningful is to gift them an experience be it a cooking class, a play or maybe even a meal lovingly prepared for them.

Here are some ideas I came up for my own gift giving:

  • For a child, a membership to the zoo, or field trip. Even a membership at an indoor playground will be received.
  • For a spouse, love coupons for monthly, or up it to weekly, dates. Or how about a spa package that you both can enjoy? 🙂 And if they like the arts, then a play, musical, concert or even movie treat will be much appreciated.
  • For a friend who’s also a parent, a night of babysitting will be so so appreciated.
  • For a coffee fan, a list of new cafes that have popped up so that they can go cafe hopping.

And since my hubby’s birthday is before Christmas, he’s the first recipient of my experience gift! I can’t wait to surprise him with what’s in store.

Have you finished all your Christmas shopping? If not, perhaps you’ll like to rethink your gifts and challenge yourself to think out of the box and give someone an experience rather than a wrapped up gift. Let me know how it works out, if you do!

This is an original post to World Moms Blog by World Moms Blog contributor, Susan Koh, of Singapore. 

Photo credit to World Moms Blog. 

Susan Koh

Susan is from Singapore. As a full-time working mom, she's still learning to perfect the art of juggling between career and family while leading a happy and fulfilled life. She can't get by a day without coffee and swears she's no bimbo even though she likes pink and Hello Kitty. She's loves to travel and blogs passionately about parenting, marriage and relationship and leading a healthy life at A Juggling Mom.

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