BELGIUM: Coucou, One Mom’s Battle with Depression

BELGIUM: Coucou, One Mom’s Battle with Depression

black-flagsToday is my birthday but I don’t feel the need to celebrate.

It’s not about getting older. I don’t mind adding years to my curriculum. The years and some grey hairs might actually help to finally getting profiled as a mature scientist.

It’s about celebrating life. My life. I don’t feel like I should celebrate it while I’m going under in yet another episode of depression.

It has been two years since I was diagnosed with severe depression. I guess my reluctance to celebrate my birthday means I still haven’t come to terms with it. I’ve had therapy. I’m taking my meds. And still depression lurks around the corner. I loathe it. Depression makes me loath depression. At least thàt part makes sense.

But then there’s my children. They are my everything. They are the reason I’m holding on while giving up. I don’t struggle to take care of myself for me. I take care of myself for them. Depression or not, I’m still their mother. And I feel incredibly guilty about that.

I often feel I should never have decided to have children, let alone adopt a child. I worry about not providing a stabile environment for them to grow up in. I worry about transfering my lability to them. I worry about pushing them away from me when I’m over and out. I worry a lot.

In turn, they both worry about me.

My 9-year old son is the most worried and gets really affectionate when he sees I’m going through yet another rough patch. He doesn’t like to talk about it, but he does want to understand. My 7-year old daughter on the other hand, likes to tell everyone about her mom who is a bit coucou. She likes to talk about depression a lot.

So I talked to them about depression. I referred to it as the black balloon, and added some details as they grew older. They know some wires in my head are not connected as they should. That information is not coming in the right way. That I need to rest a lot to heal. That I’m in fact, yes, a bit coucou.

I also told them that it is still OK to laugh at me when I’m so utterly confused that I lose at every board game. That it’s all right and maybe even fun to instruct me on how to cook diner. And most importantly that I still love them with every inch of my coucou head.

Even on my birthday.

How do you feel about ‘combining’ mental illness with motherhood? Do you talk about mental illness with your children?

This is an original post for World Moms Network by K10K in Belgium. The picture is credited to the author.

Katinka

If you ask her about her daytime job, Katinka will tell you all about the challenge of studying the fate of radioactive substances in the deep subsurface. Her most demanding and rewarding job however is raising four kids together with five other parents, each with their own quirks, wishes and (dis)abilities. As parenting and especially co-parenting involves a lot of letting go, she finds herself singing the theme song to Frozen over and over again, even when the kids are not even there...

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CANADA: Autism – Overcoming Fear Of Water

CANADA: Autism – Overcoming Fear Of Water

Autism boy and his brother at the hotel pool

Autism boy and his brother at the hotel pool

When he was younger, my autism boy was terrified of water. Bath time was an ordeal that involved physically restraining this petrified, screaming child while we sponged him down as best we could. When we had to wash his hair, we would have to take him by surprise and wrap him up like a burrito before he would realize what was going on. These gruelling sessions usually ended with me in tears as I contemplated what I was putting my child through.

A trip to a splash pad one summer’s day a few years ago led to the discovery that although my autism boy hated being submerged in any body of water, he would consent to standing under a spray of water. From that day, our lives were a lot easier: bath time became shower time. My son was not exactly thrilled, but the screaming and terrified looks were replaced with crying and more manageable anxiety.

Although keeping my child clean is less traumatic than it once was, it is still challenging. My son only just manages to tolerate being in the shower for any length of time. Every minute that he is in there, he begs to be allowed out.

And so it was with a great deal of trepidation that I decided to enrol him in swimming lessons this summer. Fear of water or no fear of water, this kid has to learn how to swim. Individuals with autism are twice as likely as the general population to die prematurely from accidental causes. An extremely high percentage of those deaths are drownings.

And so I called the local aquatic centre and told them I wanted to put both of my boys into swimming lessons. I explained about the autism and the fear of water, and expressed my concern that my son would not even get into the pool.

The lady at the aquatic centre said something that I have told myself many times, something that I believe should be a constant mantra for autism parents everywhere.

“We won’t know what he’s capable of unless we give him the opportunity to try.”

These words told me everything I needed to know about the staff at the aquatic centre: that they were prepared to work with my special needs son in a positive and inclusive manner.

On the day of the introductory lesson, I deposited the boys with their instructor and made my way to the observation room, where I leaned forward in my chair and waited anxiously. I knew, at least, that my autism boy would be greatly reassured by the presence of his brother. As I watched, the boys were directed to sit on edge of the pool and dangle their legs in the water.

My younger son readily complied. The autism boy watched him for a few moments, and then followed suit. I held my breath, waiting for a disaster.

But instead of screaming and panicking, my son gingerly lowered himself into the water, to where his instructor was waiting.

I’m sure there was an audible thunk as my jaw hit the floor.

With his hands resting lightly on the instructor’s shoulders, my boy walked from one side of the pool to the other, and then back again. He waited patiently as the instructor went through the same paces with my younger son, and then he did it all over again.

Half an hour later, I met my kids at the entrance to the pool. Both of them were full of smiles, and my younger son could barely contain his excitement as he described how well his brother had done.

Several weeks have passed since then: during this time, we have had a family vacation that included many hours at hotel pools, and there have been two more swimming lessons. Almost overnight, my autism boy has become a water baby. He’s not exactly Michael Phelps, but he can float with support and put his face into the water.

This experience has been a valuable reminder for me to never assume that my kids will not be capable of something.

Have your kids ever surprised you with an accomplishment that you weren’t expecting? Have they ever come to love something they once feared?

This is an original post to World Moms Network by Kirsten Doyle. Photo credit to the author.

Kirsten Doyle (Canada)

Kirsten Doyle was born in South Africa. After completing university, she drifted for a while and finally washed up in Canada in 2000. She is Mom to two boys who have reached the stage of eating everything in sight (but still remaining skinny). Kirsten was a computer programmer for a while before migrating into I.T. project management. Eventually she tossed in the corporate life entirely in order to be a self-employed writer and editor. She is now living her best life writing about mental health and addictions, and posting videos to two YouTube channels. When Kirsten is not wrestling with her kids or writing up a storm, she can be seen on Toronto's streets putting many miles onto her running shoes. Every year, she runs a half-marathon to benefit children with autism, inspired by her older son who lives life on the autism spectrum. Final piece of information: Kirsten is lucky enough to be married to the funniest guy in the world. Connect with her on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. Be sure to check out her YouTube channels at My Gen X Life and Word Salad With Coffee!

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USA: Racial Profiling and Who to Follow #BLACKLIVESMATTER

USA: Racial Profiling and Who to Follow #BLACKLIVESMATTER

"For Trayvon" by artist, A'driane Nieves. Acrylic on paper.

“For Trayvon” by artist, A’driane Nieves. Acrylic on paper.

In college, I had a black professor for a “Racism in the Americas” class. The students were overwhelmingly white and there was one brown girl, who had to give the opinion of what it was like to be black in America for everyone who is black in America when it came to discussion. The professor came to class every day with a nice suit jacket on, which wasn’t common of all the liberal arts professors in the building during that time. It was a little fancy. He explained that he had to wear it. He explained that it helped him from not being pulled over by the police.

This was the first time I had ever heard of such a thing. I was 19 or 20 when I took the class, yet, I had no idea that racial profiling existed.

The professor said that he had been arrested 6 times just because he fit the description, 6 foot black male. Sometimes on his way to the university to teach his class, “Racism in the Americas”, at an esteemed private university. He said that if he was dressed up, he hoped he was less likely to get stopped. That was in the mid 90s.

Fast forward to the 2010’s and the internet has shed a great big spotlight on racism across America. And it’s HUGE. And racial profiling, IT’S STILL A THING. A really big thing. And black people being MURDERED FOR NO GOOD REASON IS A THING. We can’t turn our heads, America.

So today, I’m asking you to follow two black American women who have been very vocal in the conversation of the social injustice of black people in America. I have learned more and more about my own country from following Kelly Wickham, who founded “Being Black at School” and US veteran and artist, A’driane Nieves, also known as addyeB.

Through the site, Being Black at School, Wickham empowers “parents and educators to make the school system a safe place for black children.” You can also donate to make this happen, too.

And Nieves says,  “I live for sharing my thoughts, heart, and stories through my work, be it on a canvas or written word. I also live for seeing and loving those in the margins because that is where I’ve always existed.” Not only can you read her passionate stories of activism, but you can buy her gorgeous art.

Wickham and Nieves’ messages are strong and needed in this country. They are pushing to make a difference to help end racism. They are both a HUGE inspiration to me, and I want to share them with the world.

#BLACKLIVESMATTER

This is an original post to World Moms Network by founder, Jennifer Burden. 

Photo credit to A’Driane Nieves. 

 

 

 

 

Jennifer Burden

Jennifer Burden is the Founder and CEO of World Moms Network, an award winning website on global motherhood, culture, human rights and social good. World Moms Network writes from over 30 countries, has over 70 contributors and was listed by Forbes as one of the “Best 100 Websites for Women”, named a “must read” by The New York Times, and was recommended by The Times of India. She was also invited to Uganda to view UNICEF’s family health programs with Shot@Life and was previously named a “Global Influencer Fellow” and “Social Media Fellow” by the UN Foundation. Jennifer was invited to the White House twice, including as a nominated "Changemaker" for the State of the World Women Summit. She also participated in the One Campaign’s first AYA Summit on the topic of women and girl empowerment and organized and spoke on an international panel at the World Bank in Washington, DC on the importance of a universal education for all girls. Her writing has been featured by Baby Center, Huffington Post, ONE.org, the UN Foundation’s Shot@Life, and The Gates Foundation’s “Impatient Optimists.” She is currently a candidate in Columbia University's School of International and Public Affairs in the Executive Masters of Public Affairs program, where she hopes to further her study of global policies affecting women and girls. Jennifer can be found on Twitter @JenniferBurden.

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SRI LANKA: On being a World Mom

SRI LANKA: On being a World Mom

I am an expat nomad mom, my family and I move from country to country quite often and our kids are growing up as Global Citizens. I, like all the moms in the World Moms Network, consider myself a World Mom.

I have a home country, where I was born but I don’t live there. Even if I lived there I would still feel like I wasn’t “just” from there. As the daughter of an immigrant in the United States, I learned first hand how to survive in a land that’s not your own. I learned to make whatever country I am on into a home.

My kids speak Asian Spanglish, I bet you never heard that before. I believe that they are lucky to have a World Mom to look up to, even if I fall into expat depression once in a while. I think sometimes of “going back” for family and other normal things but then I think of all the opportunities they receive by traveling the world with us. I cannot decide what is better. Traveling the world always wins.

As an editor for the Asia Pacific chapter I have come to know other World Moms quite well and I am taken aback at how profoundly real we all are. I have learned that beneath all the daily strife and events that make us who we are, our children are our greatest teachers. That when you laugh with them instead of fight, the air becomes sparkly and things are good.

Our children will grow knowing that we gave them the world, as much of it as we possibly could. World Moms live as expats, in their hometown, or they travel around. They live as single parents, as grandparents, as matriarchs, but all in all they simply live. World Moms see their life experience as an extension of the whole of humanity; our children being the catalysts for a greater good. We strive for World Peace and equality by being a family and sticking together.

We are not confined to our neighborhoods, our families, our cities. Our souls as mothers expand the globe, we are connected even when oceans apart.

Being a World Mom opens your eyes to infinite possibilities of living. We are not alone. 

I have always had a curiosity about all religions. Being brought up in a catholic / christian environment made the contact with other religions quite limited. Having traveled for five years around Southeast Asia has shown me so much of how other moms believe. I have learned to see how other moms have faith.

The lessons I have learned are just a little stripe on the tiger of life, there are so many stories to hear, so many stories to tell. Every mom has a path to take and I believe we are all in it together.

I hope to keep learning indefinitely as a World Mom, there is so much more to live and my kids have so much more to learn alongside me. Being a World Mom is a rollercoaster ride that spans the globe. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

 

 

Orana Velarde

Orana is a Writer, Artist, Mother and Wife; Peruvian Expat currently living in Kyiv, Ukraine with her husband and children. She works as a writer, designer and social media manager for diverse organizations around the world.

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Join Us for Online Meditation Wednesday for International Day of Peace! #peaceday #Heartfulness #GlobalGoals #WorldMoms

peace-day-2016

 

How can we find time in our day for world peace?

You’re a mom, your time is important. We get that. And because peace is an important issue, too, we’ve made it easy to join in — only a half hour. Join in for what you can, when you can. It is a comfortable, welcoming space. And Heartfulness states that your own inner peace can lead to a greater, world peace. It’s worth a try!

How do I join in the meditation?

It’s so easy!

Time: Sep 21, 2016 9:15 AM (GMT-4:00) Eastern Time (US and Canada)

Join from PC, Mac, Linux, iOS or Android: https://zoom.us/j/529520775

Or iPhone one-tap (US Toll): +14086380968,529520775# or +16465588656,529520775#

Or Telephone:
Dial: +1 408 638 0968 (US Toll) or +1 646 558 8656 (US Toll)
Meeting ID: 529 520 775
International numbers available: https://zoom.us/zoomconference?m=h5Vb5EriB9efuU7sm4IVA2wuxdgB0dKr

If this is your first time using zoom for video conferencing (it’s free to you), then please allow a few minutes to download it. When you click on the link, you will automatically asked to download it.

But, I have never meditated before!

So, what? Just come and observe! Make it one of your #bucketlist items, and come join us!

What can I expect?

The meditation guide (one of our #worldmoms) will take you through a guided relaxation to start, meaning we will be closing our eyes and be asked to focus on parts of the body. She will take us through a relaxed meditation focusing on our body, and then she will ask us to concentrate on our hearts, and we sit with our eyes closed i silence, until she ends the meditation. (She will let us know!)

What if I can’t make it this time, but still want to meditate?

You can do Heartfulness meditation at home, whenever you’d like. (But, it’s more fun in a group! Just saying…!) Here is a video from the Heartfulness institute explaining how to do meditation on your own.

What religion is Heartfulness?

Heartfulness isn’t a religion. It encourages everyone to join, regardless of beliefs or non beliefs. This makes it a good match for our very diverse contributing staff and global readers.

Hope to see you there! If you can’t make our meditation meet up, but you still plan on meditating, drop us a line on social media, and we will say hi! Be sure to use our hashtag, #worldmoms!

Hope to see you on Wednesday! Every little bit helps when it comes to our wish for world peace. 🙂

 

Jennifer Burden, founder and CEO of World Moms Network 

 

 

Jennifer Burden

Jennifer Burden is the Founder and CEO of World Moms Network, an award winning website on global motherhood, culture, human rights and social good. World Moms Network writes from over 30 countries, has over 70 contributors and was listed by Forbes as one of the “Best 100 Websites for Women”, named a “must read” by The New York Times, and was recommended by The Times of India. She was also invited to Uganda to view UNICEF’s family health programs with Shot@Life and was previously named a “Global Influencer Fellow” and “Social Media Fellow” by the UN Foundation. Jennifer was invited to the White House twice, including as a nominated "Changemaker" for the State of the World Women Summit. She also participated in the One Campaign’s first AYA Summit on the topic of women and girl empowerment and organized and spoke on an international panel at the World Bank in Washington, DC on the importance of a universal education for all girls. Her writing has been featured by Baby Center, Huffington Post, ONE.org, the UN Foundation’s Shot@Life, and The Gates Foundation’s “Impatient Optimists.” She is currently a candidate in Columbia University's School of International and Public Affairs in the Executive Masters of Public Affairs program, where she hopes to further her study of global policies affecting women and girls. Jennifer can be found on Twitter @JenniferBurden.

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