My son and his cousins!
Yes, it’s true. My 8-year old son and I recently had a conversation about his being an only child and the prospect of him having siblings in the near future. And, well, this was the response that I received from him:
No, Mommy, I don’t want any siblings.
To be honest, I have been asked several times why I still only have one child. It’s been asked so often that I already have a set of predetermined answers that I use, depending on who I am speaking with.
“Maybe eventually, when we get our own place, we can have another kid.”
“We live in one room. The only space I have left to put a crib in is the bathroom.”
“Oh, it’s so expensive raising a child! And I’m already going nuts with just one.”
“Someday.”
“Maybe I haven’t gotten pregnant because I have yet to lose the baby weight from my last pregnancy. Oh, and yes, I know it’s been eight years.”
And the list goes on and on. There are days, though, when I ask myself if it’s time. My husband and I talked about it, too, on more than one occasion. We both agree that if it’s meant to be, it will happen. We also are on the same page in thinking that we should focus on raising our son, instead of dwelling on what may come into our lives in the future.
He’s the only one, but he sure isn’t lonely.
One of the things I am often told is that I should give my son someone to play with. And yes, it’s put in exactly those words, as if having one more kid was as simple as buying a toy from the store. I know for a fact that the age gap between my son and any baby that we might eventually have is too big for them to truly become playmates. I would know because my sister and I were born six years apart, and it was already difficult to relate to each other growing up. With the at least nine-year gap we are looking at, at this point, getting pregnant in order for my son to have a playmate isn’t exactly a compelling reason.
Fortunately, fate has made up for his lack of siblings with a surplus of cousins, who are also about his age. Between my cousins and I, we have five small boys, and they get see each other quite often. One is even in the same school and grade level as my son. We also recently made friends with some of our neighbors who have young boys at home, and so playdates are fun for us both. The mommies get to chitchat while the kids run around and be kids together.
And just recently, our family was blessed with a vacation getaway together with fellow World Moms Blog contributor, Tina and her family!
Her son and mine became friends in an instant, and that trip was definitely one of the most memorable yet. Yes, he may be the only one, but he sure isn’t alone.
World Mom Contributors Tina Santiago-Rodriguez and Mrs. C. on vacation together in the Philippines!
Don’t worry baby, I’m happy with just you.
I am very content being mom to just one child.
There are definite perks to having a small family. I get to focus on my child 100% each and every time. And because my attention is all on him, I can see so clearly what an awesome kid he has turned out to be. He has become very close to both his dad and I. He is growing up to be independent, secure and confident. He knows how to keep himself occupied and entertained, and without gadgets at that. He is excited about making new friends and spending time with them. He loves hanging out with his parents, grandparents, aunts and uncle.
I know that being able to care for him myself, with the help of family, of course, has played such a big role in his development. I, honestly, can’t say if it would have been the same with more kids at home, but there’s really no reason to dwell on what might have been. For now, I am happy with just the opportunity to be a mom and to raise a child. And in the future, if it’s meant to be, I know that I will be the most excited over having more.
How about you, how many kids do you have? Parents with only one child, does your kid look forward to having siblings? And to the moms with several children, how has having siblings helped your child in his growth and development?
This is an original post to World Moms Blog by Mrs. C of “Mrs. C’s Sugarcoated Life” in the Philippines.
Photo credit to the author.
Patricia Cuyugan (Philippines)
Patricia Cuyugan is a wife, mom, cat momma, and a hands-on homemaker from Manila, whose greatest achievement is her pork adobo. She has been writing about parenting for about as long as she’s been a parent, which is just a little over a decade. When she’s not writing, you can usually find her reading a book, binge-watching a K-drama series, or folding laundry. She really should be writing, though! Follow her homemaking adventures on Instagram at @patriciacuyugs.
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Awww!!! The Pico de Loro BFFs! 🙂 Miss you, Patty girl! So when will we have that playdate, huh? 🙂 Hugs!
We miss you guys, too!!! I know, the playdate! Why do we have to live so far away from each other? 🙁
It doesn’t sound as if your son is suffering as a result of being an only child. If he’s happy, and you’re happy, why should anyone else worry about whether or not you choose to have another child?
I have two boys myself, aged 8 and 10. After my niece was born, I was asked if I’m going to “try for a girl”. As if a baby is something you can order from Ikea and assemble at home.
You are doing right for your family. And I love the pics!
Exactly, Kirsten. If anything, he loves being an only child. So I think that our little family is good just the way we are right now. And lol at your Ikea comment! That’s exactly how I feel about it.
Love this post! Yes I’ve heard the same ‘lovely suggestion’ to have another child so my boy have someone to play with. You go Patricia! You are an awesome mom. My son wants to have a baby girl he keep saying that after my boyfriend and I get marry we will have one 🙂 Bless his darling heart.
You and I are on the exact same boat, Maureen, with our boys. But awww how sweet is that son of yours wanting a baby sister??? Love, love!
And I was just teasing you that since you weren’t able to teach your child Filipino early, just apply it to the next baby! I hope you weren’t offended, dear. I meant no disrespect to your decision to only have one child.
You’re right you know. I love my two other boys to bits and I’ll have it no other way but there are times when I think about how much we would be able to nurture the first one if we stuck with just him. 🙂
Oh no worries at all, dear! I do hope to have a girl someday, I just refuse to put pressure on the situation. 😀 And I will DEFINITELY start early with counting, adding and Filipino hahaha.
I will never understand why anyone asks when someone’s having a child, another one, etc… These decisions are so personal and more often than none involve so much more than wanting or not wanting a child. Anyway, I have a theory about this: People will keep asking you when you are having the next one. Until you reach three kids. Then they start asking you when you will stop! Believe me, I have three!!! Your post is great, I love-love-love when you write “focus on the child I have rather than think of a future baby I don’t”
Thanks, Nadege! Lol, I wait for the day when one of my cousins has their third child and I will really laugh when one of my aunts or grandparents ask when they will stop. Love the alternate perspective there!
Patricia, this is a wonderfully written post. I have one daughter. Personally, I feel it’s one’s personal choice and you don’t have to give reasons or any clarification for your decision. You know what is good for you and your family. If you are happy, content and satisfied that is more important that taking a step under somebody’s influence and because you feel pressurized and not able to handle it later. That guilt feeling is real bad. So, in the end It will affect your present too for which you took that step. Not advisable. Again these are my thoughts. Everyone feels differently.
I totally agree with you. Instead of dwelling on the past or the future, we really ought to relish what we have in the present instead. No pressure, no disappointments, no guilty feelings. It makes life better, I think. Thanks for your comment, Alpana!
I was told I would be unable to conceive “naturally” so (when I found out that I was pregnant without trying) I considered it an absolute miracle… and promptly resigned from my job to dedicate myself to my “miracle” son! At the same time,though, I went on contraception because I DID fall pregnant (against the odds, but still)! The first 2 years with my son were hellish … I had postpartum depression and my son projectile vomited every feed and had other health issues himself. I wasn’t keen on falling pregnant again! My husband has a sister who is 8 years older than him and HE’s the one who said he didn’t want there to be such a big gap between our children. Since there was no guarantee that I even COULD fall pregnant again, I agreed to stop the contraception. Six months later I was pregnant with our daughter! My son is 21 years old now and my daughter 18. I feel totally blessed to have them. I honestly feel that (despite our best laid plans) we end up with the right number of children for our family….whether that is 1 or 10! I totally agree that the number of children one has is nobody else’s business! 🙂
Oh, Simona, I love how you put it. “We end up with the right number of children for our family.” I will really choose to see things this way from now on. I so agree that we aren’t dealt random cards by the universe, but instead, we really get what is meant for each of us. Hugs!
That’s the way life meant to be in your case, and you’ll be happy for it.
Love your life at present and have faith for whatever God has given. Just have faith in HIM.
I totally believe in what you said. Love and acceptance of where you are in life is so important!
I noticed that whenever moms ask their first child if he/she wants to have a sibling, the answer is no. This is because of the competition for attention maybe.
Could be that, yes.
This post made me think again of my wanting to have one more child. But since we’re not sure if it will still happen in the future, I’m already trying to accept the possibility that it might not. You’re right, it will happen if it’s meant to be. So, I guess, we’ll see. 🙂
Maybe he’s not used to the idea of having a sibbling..But once he has one i’m sure he will change his mind.
My daughter doesn’t want siblings either
My sister and I has a 12yr gap. it’s kinda hard to catch up! I think there’s nothing wrong about having one child.. 🙂
If we’re meant to have another, then i know it will come when the time is right 🙂
I guess what’s important is that he’s showered with loved and affection. At least, he has cousins to play with.
Yes, that’s what I think too, Franc. Thanks for your comment!
We used to get the same comment from relatives before I got pregnant with our second. Jacob doesn’t talk straight yet and they’re thinking it’s because he doesn’t have anyone to talk to. Which is stupid reasoning in my opinion.
You’re so right, Roxi. That just doesn’t make sense.
My son doesn’t want to be called kuya. Hopefully when we plan to have another baby, he will be ok with it. Now, we are exposing him to many kids and babies!
When my daughter turned 1, people were asking if we want another child. Then when news that I got pregnant a year later got out, people were saying that we’re going too fast. Haha! But anyway. I don’t regret having two kids. They learn so much from each other! And I like the idea that at 3 and 1 y/o, they already have an idea that they have each other’s backs.
My daughter is very eager to be an ate and she’s praying for a sibling everyday…
This is actually a new perspective for me. I now have my 10 month old son and I would always think that I need another one cause I dont want him to be lonely. Your experience made me think twice. Maybe its not so bad having just one child.:)
There’s just my 2 year old Joaquin now but my husband and I both want him to have a sibling to grow up with. But yeah, it will happen when God wills it to happen. 🙂
Seems unusual.. Your son is adorable Patricia, he must’a love you very much 🙂