Yesterday was a bad day, I cried because I didn’t know what else to do. The month of June was a crappy month-all of it. July showed some promise, but it blew away with the wind, I guess. I’m hoping that August will give me a break, but I’m not holding my breath. They say “behind (or beside) every successful man is a good (strong) woman…” I can’t agree or disagree with that statement, but I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately.
You see my husband relies on me for practically everything- it is our relationship- our life. When we left Toronto 1 year ago, I was right behind him picking up the pieces (packing, making plans & arrangements), AND leaving behind my friends and a job at one of the top universities in Canada. My husband never really caught a break in Toronto, and needed (for his sanity and mine) to leave and find something that would benefit our family- he found it in Calgary.
I never questioned it, because we never questioned our bond in accepting the inevitabilities of life. After all he left his family to live with me in a foreign land. Now that I have been out of my comfort zone for one year, I have to admit, I hate it. While my husband has gained success and is happier in this new city, I don’t fit- I just can’t seem to catch my breath.
Success is a funny thing, and that’s the problem. Even without meticulous calculations you could look at our lives here now compared to our life in Toronto and conclude the obvious- we have gained more success. We have more money in the bank; we just bought a house that, if purchased in Toronto, would be half a million dollars; our kids are growing up and staying out of trouble; and our marriage is stronger than ever- Thank God for all of this. So what’s the problem you ask? Read on!
Looking back, my anxieties about relocating were in the moment. I was never one to get up and go with young children, and I knew it would be a challenge. Because the baby was 7 months old, I didn’t feel any guilt in expecting the worse- after all, who moves across the country on the VIA train? Okay, that was my idea- I wanted to see Canada, lol. The funny thing is that, the physical aspect of moving was so very temporary that it’s like it never happened, and I just expected that everything else would run smoothly.
I never considered that once I settled in, there would be no friends, family, or career connections. Even worse, I never thought about how I would feel being financially dependent on my husband- even if I too had money in the bank.
The reality is that I love my family, and I don’t use words like “sacrificed” when hubby and I discuss how I feel about moving across the country for his work. I certainly don’t feel that I gave up anything to be here, because my life is his life is our life, if you catch my drift. I try not to think about the “what-ifs”, because I know that this is my reality right now and a mature woman should be able to deal with whatever comes her way right?
Hubby knows I am not at my happiest in this new space and place. He always asks me if I want to return to Toronto. When I am really honest about my feelings, he knows that he cannot just walk away, we speak about it. In those moments, I am pleased. I am happy and almost grateful that he doesn’t just give in and try to prove that he will do what I want. I couldn’t swallow that; I could never look him in the eyes again if he returned to working long hours for practically nothing.
Honestly, I want to be here, I want to be present and happy. I want to be right behind or beside him supporting his decisions and being happy about it all. I search for answers to his questions, but they too stay hidden away, perhaps for the better. So I wake up every day knowing that it’s all up to me. I think about how I am going to make it MY day and start again and try again and again, until I feel at home. It may be a while, but I am hopeful.
Would you (or) have you relocated for your spouse’s career/happiness?
The image used in this post is credited to madpie. It holds a Flickr Creative Commons attribution license.
This is an original article written by Salma for World Moms Blog.