I feel too young to be a nana. Nanas or grandmas, whatever you choose to call them, are old and grey – in my mind anyway. My grandmothers were both old and grey, and I loved them both dearly when they were alive.
One was a “nanny” and one was a “jonnie” (a name that stuck when one of my cousins was unable to pronounce grandma). One lived in Portland,Oregon in the USA, and the other lived on the east coast of Australia. In other words, they were both long distance grandparents. I hated that they were both so far away.
I became a nani on the 27th June of this year, yet I don’t feel old, and I’m not grey (a few strands don’t count do they?).
When I first found out that my son and his fiancé were expecting a baby – way back in November last year — I can honestly say I was horrified, no, maybe not horrified, but deeply concerned that they were both so young.
This is a very hypocritical opinion for me, given that I was two years younger than my future daughter-in-law is now when I first became a mother. I was still worried about how they would cope and slightly concerned about being a nani/grandma at such a young age, but at the same time I was also excited.
These are probably all the same emotions that my mother experienced when she first became a grandma, which ironically was at the same age as what I am – 39.
Sunday morning June 26th came the phone call that my grandson was on his way. This news had me bounding out of bed and had me walking around with a permanent grin on my face that day. Bounding out of bed at any time is quite a feat because I’m not (and never have been) a morning person.
Sunday ended up being the longest day of my life because he didn’t choose to arrive until the early hours of Monday morning. This meant that I didn’t get into the hospital to see him until the Monday night after work, Monday was consequently the second longest day of my life.
How do you describe becoming a nana/grandma for the first time? I was so excited, I was proud, I was besotted. At the same time he wasn’t personally mine, and I felt like I was on the edge looking in. It’s a bizarre feeling, an amazing amount of love for a little being that you haven’t carried yourself, who’s not yours – but who owns your heart.
My greatest fear as a mother of three boys was that I would never have the opportunity to be close to my grandchildren. I would never have the opportunity to guide my daughter through pregnancy and motherhood. What if I didn’t like any of my sons’ partners, or worse, what if they didn’t like me? Maybe these are irrational thoughts, but they’re real in my mind.
My future daughter-in-law is a sweetheart, and I love her dearly. She’s one of the family, she asks me questions, she freely shares my grandchild with me ,and for that, I am eternally grateful. I got lucky with this one, and yet I still have two more sons to get through. There are still two more potential partners to like and be liked by.
Age is irrelevant in all of this because both my son and his partner have astounded me with their parenting ability. This is the son who caused me some of the most worrying years of my life as we circumnavigated the teenage years. He was a horror who made me cry myself to sleep on more than one occasion and who caused me so much angst.
To see my son in his role as a father is the most incredible feeling. It’s also made me realise that I’m not too young to be a grandma/ nana, no more than I was too young to be a first time mother 23 years ago at the tender age of 17.
Our parenting ability is not measured in years on this earth, but in the love in our hearts and the pride in knowing we’re doing a fantastic job of raising amazing human beings.
Are you ready to become a grandparent? Are you a grandparent — share your thoughts!
This is an original World Moms Blog post by Inspiration to Dream of Adelaide, South Australia. Fiona is the writer of Inspiration to Dream and can be found writing or reading in every spare moment that isn’t filled up with work, her three boys, her new grandson and of course with a bit of spare time thrown in for hubby as well.
Photo credit to the author.
Congratulations to you and your family, Fiona! I recently turned 39, and I do have a few friends my age who are grandparents or who have children getting married this coming year. There will be more soon 🙂
Thank you for sharing this with us!
Frelle, thank you. It’s strange because it feels like only yesterday that I became a mum, it just goes so quick and then suddenly all of your friends’ children (and your own) are having babies and getting married.
Congratulations – a lovely article – you put a smile on my face (which isn’t easy on a monday morning!)
And to answer the question – I am definetly not ready to become a grandmother; I am 36 but my son is not even 2 years old, so I will most likely be grey and in a rocking chair if/when I do become one.
Asta, I’m glad I could put a smile on your face. I have friends who are around my age and just beginning their families and at the same time I have friends whose children are having children. It’s kind of a bizarre in-between kind of time.
But I still don’t feel old 🙂 (or grandmotherly / nani-ish either)
Congratulations! Thanks for sharing how you feel so openly. You will be the cool Grandma I just knew it 😀
Tatter Scoops – thanks for the vote of confidence, a cool grandma, now that sounds like my sort of title.
Fiona,
Congratulations! I love the honesty and candor in your writing. I’m so happy for you on the new addition to your family, and I just LOVE the picture!!
I think you make grandparenting cool for younger moms!
Jen 🙂
Jen,
Thanks for the comments. I hope I will be a cool grandparent
Cheers Fiona to you and your newly expanded family. While it may seem odd to be a nanna at 39, the upside is you have more strength and energy to devote to your sweet grandchild than the average grandma. I just love when I get to see kids with their active grandparents at the park, actually playing with them. And your point about having sons resonated with me. I have 2 boys, and I wonder what the future has in store!
Tara,
Thats probably the biggest upside to being a young nanna, the part about having the energy and strength. I think someone with only sons can appreciate the feelings of concern about not being close to their grandchildren, It’s different when you have daughters.
Thanks for your comments
Congratulations on the new addition Fiona! When I was 30 I found out that I was pregnant with my first child, and my mother’s reaction (who was 50 at the time) said “I’m too young to be a grandmother!” She now appreciates the ability to keep up with my son (being a mother of 3 boys, I am sure that you can appreciate how much energy you need when they are young), and loves being a young grandmother. My sister in law became a nana when she was 42, and now she just turned 50 this past week and was able to celebrate it with her 5 beautiful grandchildren. The beauty of being a young grandmother is that you will be able to enjoy so many moments and milestones of your grandchildren’s lives that the much older, grey haired grandmothers can only imagine (seeing as I waited until I was 30 to have my children, I assume that I will be in the latter boat).
Congrats again and enjoy every moment of being the coolest grandmother on the block! 🙂
Maman Aya – thank you for your comments, it sounds like you have a beautiful big family. I’m looking forward to enjoying my grandchildren and having the energy to keep up with them and being the coolest grandmother on the block – well that I definitely aspire to 🙂
And in comparison I was 41 when I had our youngest son! I totally agree that being a great parent (or grandparent) has nothing to do with the number and everything to do with the person involved. I am the Mum to three boys too and share your concerns about future daughters-in-law….only time will tell, I guess.
Karyn – I have so many friends who have had children later in life and I’m in awe because we all know how exhausting being a mum is and I just don’t think I would have the energy (I guess you find it, but boy I get exhausted just thinking about it :-).
I believe there are benefits on both ends of the age spectrum for both parents and grandparents
Congrats!!! How exciting! I am sure your hesitation about your son having a baby so young is because you know how hard raising a baby actually is. I think that’s a normal response. But, it sounds like you are there for them and fully loving your new role!!! So glad everything is working out!
such a beautiful post.
My mother and mother in law have both tried to explain to me the love that comes when you become a grandmother but they have said that, like becoming a mother, it has to be experienced.