My road to motherhood has been a bumpy one with lots of twists and turns and obstacles to throw me off-balance. My entry into motherhood was not without its problems with my eldest son being born two weeks after my 17th birthday.
It’s only now, as the mother of teenagers, that I can truly appreciate the stress that I caused my parents, and that it’s true that things come back to bite you on the butt.
My mum was horrified, but quietly excited about becoming a grandmother. My father was absolutely devastated and disappointed beyond belief. His response was to ground me for the first four months of my pregnancy and prevent me from leaving the house. A bit like shutting the gate after the horse has bolted.
Despite all the drama, I loved becoming a mother and my little guy was my world. Was it difficult being a young mother? Definitely, in terms of other people’s reactions and opinions, but I don’t think age or circumstances determine a good or a bad mother.
My first son’s father and I went our separate ways when my son was 3 years old, not an ideal situation, but we at least had the benefit of remaining friends. I met my husband when my son was five years old. We were married one year, one month and one day from the day we met, and our first son together was born eight weeks after we were married. Despite everyone’s opinions about our short time together, our son was planned and eagerly anticipated. (Hubby and I have been together eighteen years this year, so we’ve proved everyone wrong who doubted our relationship.)
My first pregnancy was unplanned and relatively uncomplicated, so it’s fair to say that the second one was planned and a nightmare. I envy the people who glow during pregnancy and have endless reserves of energy, because I don’t.
My second pregnancy also included an ex-wife and a stepson to complicate matters. Hubby and his ex-wife had been separated for over a year when I met him, but as is the case when a new partner comes into the picture, emotions run high.
The first few months of my second pregnancy were spent in and out of the family courts supporting my partner, who was fighting his ex-wife for visitation rights to his toddler son. His son’s serious medical problems meant the ex wanted my partner to have supervised access visits with his son, supervised by the grandmother (husband’s mother). Sadly, it was more out of spite than any real concern.
Luckily, we got a judge who was sympathetic to our dilemma and determined I could be the person to oversee the visits, reasoning that I was a mother also. It was only when my stepson was admitted to hospital and I spent equal amounts of time by his bedside to give his mother a break that things changed with her, and we all managed to come to a workable understanding.
At ten days old my second son was admitted to hospital with pyloric stenosis, which is when the valve from the stomach to the bowel doesn’t open properly. Basically, what can’t get out has to go somewhere so it comes back up at a hundred miles an hour. So the first two weeks of his life I was subjected to projectile vomiting, which meant a new change of clothes for him and for me for every feed. It took me three visits to doctors before they admitted my concerns were real and not just the anxiety of a new mother.
Surgery was required, and the problem was resolved relatively easy although my nerves and stress levels were another problem entirely. We then had a bout of chicken pox go through all of our boys, my oldest son first; stepson next and then the newborn got it at 10 weeks old. Nothing was easy about being a mother the second time round.
I found out I was pregnant again when my second son was 7 months old, this was to be the worst one yet with me being rushed to hospital at 8 weeks pregnant to discover it was an ectopic pregnancy. Emergency surgery in the middle of the night and then the discovery that I was sensitive to morphine led to some serious problems and resulted in several months of post traumatic stress following the surgery due to a belief at the time that I was going to die.
It took months of counselling and a marvellous doctor to get my head back together (which is another story entirely). I started part-time work when my second son was two with an aim of regaining some of my confidence and well-being. I fell pregnant the first week of my new job. It’s true what they say about stress contributing to problems to conceive, because although we had been trying again, it hadn’t been happening. Strangely enough, once I relaxed, it happened.
My third son was born with no problems, no drama and a trouble-free pregnancy – mind you, I still didn’t glow or have unlimited energy 🙂 Following the birth of our second son together, hubby made the decision that our four boys were more than enough. So, our family is full with his, mine and ours.
This story will come full circle in less than eight weeks when my oldest son becomes a dad. Let me tell you that the road to ‘nanahood’ hasn’t been exactly smooth either, but I’ll leave that for another post.
So, while the road to motherhood is never an easy one and some of us have more challenges than others, it’s true that every moment is worth the journey.
Where are you on your motherhood journey?
This is an original World Moms Blog post by Inspiration to Dream of Adelaide, South Australia. Fiona is the writer of Inspiration to Dream and can be found writing or reading in every spare moment that isn’t filled up with work and her three boys, and of course with a bit of spare time thrown in for hubby as well.
Image credit to Johann Helgason – http://www.dreamstime.com/stock-photo-drive-along-rimagefree1087136-resi3464547
This image has been used within the terms of use from Dreamstime.
Wow Fi,
That’s some story. I always find it interesting that so many people are dismissive of teenage parents. Some people are great parents whatever their age. Others are not, whatever their age. Where am I? In the place I always wanted to be…on the other side of the pregnancies and feeding with three gorgeous boys. Just deciding what I want to be when I grow-up!
Karyn I find it sad that some people are dismissive of teenage parents. I think becoming a mother at such a young age was the making of me in a strange sort of way. I strongly believe that a good mother is not determined by her age or financial wealth or even her life experience but by what’s in her heart and soul. Quite simply any one can be a good mum 🙂
Wonderful post Fiona! Sometimes life takes you by surprise and there are probably a lot of benefits being a “young” mom as opposed to an older one like me (I waited until 33 to have my first and had my daughter at 35). You will be able to really be there for your grandchildren and still be young! I had two rough pregnancies myself and am so glad that I am done with that part of my life. I can’t wait to read more of your posts! 🙂
You’re right life is full of surprises. I believe becoming a mother you’re somewhat forced to roll with the punches and find ways of coping because you have no other choice.
and yes I’m looking forward to being a young nana and having the energy to keep up with them
Although I was 26 when I had my first child, I was not married at the time, and that still makes people a little uncomfortable even now, despite being married to the father of all three of my children for ten years. My husband and I had known each other for seven years when we conceived, not planned, but a blessing for sure. Everyone expected us to get married right away, but we wanted to wait until our baby was born. So when she was eight months old we tied the knot – getting married in celebration of our love, not because of our love child. Families are created in so many ways, and as long as love and patience are at the core, it can be a success. And like you said, having your first at the age you did made you the strong woman you are today. Life throws us so many curves – it is how you tackle them that makes you who you are.
Monica I agree totally with your last comment – it’s all in how you tackle the curves that life throws at you. These days more than ever families are no longer the standard mum, dad and child/ren, but as you say it’s love and patience that make it work not marriage certificates and accepted social ‘norms. 🙂
What a story, Fiona. Thank you for sharing it with us. What I love, love, love about this blog is how different each post is. Good luck on your road to “nannahood” – you are obviously a strong women so I am sure you will handle it with grace.
Exactly why I like writing for WMB – because of the variety of subjects and a whole different range of cultures and experiences. It’s an awesome forum to help us expand our parenting ‘skills’
A truly incredible journey, Fiona. I’m sorry you had such difficult time with some of your pregnancies, and glad you pulled through and came out on the other side. Wow, nana-hood! Exciting times. Congratulations.
Thank you Alison – that’s the funny thing with pregnancies, no two are the same. Nanahood is the joy of a baby without the discomfort of pregnancy, although I’ve felt her pain.
Hi Fiona, thank you for your sharing your wonderful story with us! I became a mum when I was 35, didn’t enjoy the pregnancy much – like you I didn’t exactly glow! 🙂 My wee lad is now almost 17 months old – all though it can be very tiring, my husband and I couldn’t enjoy it more!
Asta – strangely I have yet to actually meet a ‘glowing’ mum, I’m sure they exist tho. Your little fella is at the age I enjoy most 🙂
wow, I didn’t feel like I was ready to be a mom when I became one at 33, how did you handle it at 17? I would love to learn more about that experience. And four boys! Yours must be a full and lively household. Thank you for sharing so openly about your motherhood experience. I’ll know where to turn for nanna advice but it may be a while for some of us.
Are any of us ever ready to become mums? 🙂 My house has quietened down now that I only have the youngest 2 at home. I never thought I’d say it but I miss the chaos and noise. I’m looking forward to a grandchild to liven us all up again
Thank you for sharing your story! And as to the age of new mothers, one of the moms I love, admire and respect most in the world had her 1st child when she was just 18. But I also know an amazing mom who had her first child at 41. I love how you said it isn’t the age but heart and soul that counts. And I know blended families who are working through the challenges you experienced. Your journey gives me confidence that they will find their way. Congratulations on your beautiful and expanding family!
Thank you Tara, it’s true – we all find our way through the maze of parenting some how
Fiona,
I love your story, and it’s so well written. I’m really glad you shared your journey with us. I want to read more, too!
As for me, I was born begging to take care of things (I always wanted more pets!), but after I got married, I spent forever “nesting”, as I would tell myself. Not trying for a child yet, but saving so there would be no doubt I could stay home, doing some traveling, etc. I was over prepared. And, when I wasn’t pregnant on cue and when I did finally get pregnant after a year of trying and the pregnancy ended in miscarriage, well, I was disappointed. Ok. Devastated. Everyone in my family got pregnant immediately, so that was what I just assumed would be the case for me, too.
So, now I have two little girls, one almost 4-years old and one not even 3 months yet. I’m where I thought I’d be years ago, but I’m a totally different person because of how I got there. I think more than ever. I wonder about things, the universe, more. Because I couldn’t understand how i could lose so many pregnancies.
I appreciate motherhood so much more, if possible, because of my journey. And, I feel more of a connection to the trials and tribulations that other moms are facing, even when those trials and tribulations are different from my own. I want to help, but I’m a busy mom, and this blog is my attempt at making that connection possible. I’m so grateful that we’re attracting so many mothers, like yourself, who are talking openly about everything motherhood here. And, I need this place to discuss and share just as much as everyone else does!
Veronica 🙂
Veronica – I can’t tell you how much I appreciate a forum like WMB, what you’ve created here is amazing. I’m sad that I didn’t have something like this when I was struggling as a young mother and feeling very alone.
I have been sending relevant links to my daughter in law because what this blog provides is a way for all of us to share and learn and lessen the overwhelming feeling that motherhood (and even nanahood) can sometimes create.
Yay to you and all the wonderful writer mums who are providing this forum