When did you first become a mother?
My first baby was born in 2010. Second in 2012.
Where in the world do you live? And, are you from there?
I live in San Jose, California. I’m originally from Poland.
What language(s) do you speak?
Polish, English, planning on learning Russian.
Are you a stay-at-home mom or do you work?
I’m a stay-at-home mom (SAHM).
Why do you blog/write?
I started my blog on September 2009. My first post had one picture and these words:
“… talking through my pictures and while English is not my first language this blog will be mostly about my photos.”
Right about that time, I also found out that I was pregnant, but my blog wasn’t about me getting ready for motherhood or anything like that.
From time to time I would post a picture of my pregnant shadow:
Or, little shoes and the blanket that I was making for my baby almost every evening, the entire time I was pregnant:
Or, some other pictures like:
And, that was it!
I had planned my blog to be a display for my “365 project”, where you take one photo every single day for a year. However, this project went unfinished. Here’s why.
First of all, my pregnancy started to be very difficult for me. All day nausea, day after day, severe belly pain, and unbearable headaches. The last thing I wanted to do was sit in front of the computer editing pictures. And, on the other hand I just didn’t have much to talk about.
Second of all, because my camera got stolen a month before my daughter was born with all the equipment I had. I was devastated. I couldn’t believe it happened to me.
Just couldn’t.
We couldn’t afford a new one [camera], so I was even more depressed. I wept for days, until one day I got a package with a new camera inside. A few friends of mine gathered enough money to get me a brand new Nikon D5000 with a lens. They said it was a little something for me, so I would be able to take pictures (and share with them) of that precious daughter of mine (at the time she was two weeks from being born).
Again, I couldn’t believe it. Again, I cried for days. I felt obligated to continue to blog. So, I did. Right after my daughter was born, we moved to a different city, so I wasn’t blogging very frequently. But when I was, all I was talking about, or posting pictures of, was our daughter 🙂
Sometime around January 2011, while jumping from blog to blog, I discovered a new world of blog hops, moms who photograph blogs and mom blogs in general. Oh, I was in “bloggy” heaven. I felt like I had finally found a real purpose for my blogging – connecting with other moms, sharing recipes and stories from motherhood, and as a keen photographer, sharing my pictures.
I recently went through a stage of not blogging very often. I feel like I’m in the process of evolving or some kind of change. Several weeks ago, I was diagnosed with PPD, and my life is a little bit different these days. I do not blog about it, because I feel like I’ll be judged or nobody will want to read about a depressed mother who actually doesn’t have a reason to be depressed.
On the other hand, I read many blogs of moms who went through, or are going through PPD, and it’s been such a big help for me. Almost every Friday, I go to #ppdchat on Twitter. Those women who are there are amazing. They helped me to find a golden middle and how to get through my daughter’s first birthday. I have found that there is no need to throw a big party for 20 people, with food, drinks, bbq, gifts, etc.
Since I arrived in the U.S., this is how I’ve seen people celebrating their kids’ 1st birthday. I felt like I MUST to do the same, while I can’t even make my husband a dinner or lunch… And, the closer to the birthday, the more depressed and scared I got.
On days when I feel good and happy, I take pictures and I blog. On days when I feel crappy, I don’t.
When I started my blog, I didn’t want to focus on or talk about my Polish heritage. I didn’t have a specific reason why I didn’t want to. Maybe because I wanted to hide it, or maybe because I didn’t want people to think about me as an immigrant. Maybe because I wanted people to focus on my talent (as a photographer) and not on my broken English and the fact that I’m not an American, and I’m not one of them… That’s how I feel sometimes in real life among people.
Today, living almost for 4 years now in the U.S., I feel like I NEED to talk about it. Leaving this part out would be like denying that I’m Polish. I was Polish, I am Polish, I’m always going to be Polish. I miss Poland, and what is there to hide? I wish I could go there more often to see my family and to visit my favorite places. Often I feel homesick, and I wish I had the courage to blog about it because it might help me get through it.
So, that’s why I said before that I feel like I’m in some kind of process of changing. Sometimes I’m so close to ending my blog. VERY CLOSE. But after a few days, I just can’t imagine my life without it.
How would you say that you are different from other mothers?
I do not think I’m different as a mother. I feel different as a person who is not an American living in America. As a mother, I feel like most other mothers. Sometimes helpless, very often tired and wishing for more sleep, doubting my ability to be a good role model.
I can say, however, that I’m different as a mother from my mom. I’m a stay-at-home mom. My mom wasn’t. She had to go back to work as soon as she could (after 3 months of giving birth) to have the money to feed and dress us. I do not have to do that, but I feel like I should because she was doing it. Being raised in a family and in a culture where almost every mother works, I feel like I’m doing something wrong not looking for a job, not working. “Stay-at-home mom” is a pretty new phrase to me, and I’m still getting used to it.
What do you view as the challenges of raising a child in today’s world?
I blogged about this question here:
http://momphotographer.wordpress.com/2011/05/13/our-childhood-and-todays-challenges-of-rising-a-child/
How did you find World Moms Blog?
Through a World Moms Blog writer, Alison in Malaysia, at her blog, “Mama Wants This”. I found her blog through Saturday’s Blog Hop at “The Mom Pledge”.
Do you have any questions for Mom Photographer?
This is an original post to World Moms Blog by Mom Photographer of California, USA.
Photo credits to the author.
Thanks for sharing so much of your recent life-journey with us. I can’t imagine how strange it must be for you being a parent in a different country from that which you grew up in. I love your photos; you’re very talented. 🙂
Wow I wish that I could reach out and give you a hug because it sounds like you might need one.
Having suffered from depression myself following a traumatic ectopic pregnancy and now having a family member suffering from it I understand some of what you are feeling. I found that writing about it (even if I didn’t share it at the time)helped me but everyone is different.
Your photos are beautiful and I’m off to check out those on your blog. Good luck with your journey and remember the best way is just taking one day at a time.
I’m sending cyber hugs your way 🙂
Wonderful first post! I read it and it truly resonated with me as my post yesterday (see http://www.thirdeyemom.com) discusses my struggle with postpartum depression six years ago after the birth of my first child. It was the hardest, most difficult thing I have ever gone through in my life and I’m happy to say that I was PPD free after the birth of my second child four years ago. So there is hope and yes people really need to talk about it more and let women know this is NORMAL and there is nothing wrong. You are not a failure. It is just something that happens to a lot of women and we don’t need to suffer silently! Welcome aboard to WMB and I look forward to reading your beautiful posts!
@ Kary – thank you for your kind comment. You know, I’m getting use to to being mother overseas, but actually it’s not the easiest and funniest part of motherhood. Too bad, because it’s taking a lot from me. You know sometimes I think, I try too hard to fit, instead just say that I AM different, I was raised in a different culture, and that’s how I am. PERDIOD.
@ Fiona – cyber hugs back to you. Thank you for your advice. One day at a time is a great thing to do 🙂 I’ve been trying to do that, but it’s hard sometimes.
@ thirdeyemom – I wish I was free from PPD. I wish I was happy, and joyful… Congratulation you overcame that. Hugs
Good for you! I’m so glad to see you opening up and sharing your story and finding support. See you on Twitter 😉
thank you 🙂 see you there 🙂
Hi Mom Photographer!
Thank you for opening up on the blog. I love your story, and I look forward to hearing more from you and, of course, more pictures! 🙂
Congrats on your first WMB post!!
Veronica 🙂
Welcome! So excited to “meet” you! Thank you for sharing so very much here- from your photos to slices of your inner workings- I’m looking forward to learning more!
Welcome to the blog! Great interview – I especially relate to the part about being a foreigner, and not wanting that to define you… I lived in England for 8 years, and in the end I got so tired of having to explain myself whenever I met somebody new – “My husband is English, yes, Norway is a cold country and no, of course I don’t mind you calling me Ingrid just because that is the only scandinavian name you can remember…” I just wanted to be me! 🙂 I look forward to reading and seeing more from you! 🙂
I’m so glad you found WMB through my blog! Really look forward to getting to know you better. I think it’s very brave of you to share your story of PPD. The bloggy world is full of support for moms and the community is what I find most encouraging for me to continue blogging on days I don’t feel like writing.
Welcome to the WMB family!
thank you, to all of you. I’m really glad to be here. It’s such a great community!
I’m still extremely thankful that we met through blogging. You’ve really inspired me more often than you know in subtle ways. I can relate, sometimes not feeling like blogging but feeling like without it, my life would feel like something was missing.
I hope you overcome PPD. I went through it too so I understand.
Big hugs to you! Na razie!
glad we “met”. hoping for some real coffee time someday. it would be awesome! thank you for your support 🙂
Hugs, and na razie!!!
Welcome to the blog. I only have a moment but I wanted to thank you for your honesty and applaud your efforts in motherhood and dealing with PPD. Can’t wait to know you better!
thank you, Tara, for stopping by and reading my post. It means a lot to me!
Wow, that was raw and honest and open and cathartic (I hope). I think being able to write through the process like that (whether in your native tongue or not) must be helping you in some way. You are a really talented photographer. I admire being able to capture so many feelings, emotion “words” with just one image. For a little while, while Veronica was on maternity “leave” from the blog, I helped out with the editing side and became totally engrossed in the blogging world (or at least the World Moms Blogging world). I was missing deadlines and running late to pick up my kids or some other minor infractions because I was trying to get it all done or read or reply or edit. I loved it but blogging can be a slippery slope. I had to take a big step back once Veronica was back on the scene. I’m trying to catch up a little now (I haven’t had time to read new WMB posts in a few weeks) and I’m glad I’m taking the time to catch up, so I can learn more about some of the new writers I didn’t get to know as intimately as those I was editing pieces for. Welcome, I think you’re a terrific addition and will find yourself right at home. We don’t care that you’re not American, in fact, we CELEBRATE diversity!
thank you so much for you great and kind comment. I appreciate that you stopped and read my post. I know what you mean by saying that blogging can be slippery slope. When I first started actually writing (not only posting pictures) sometimes around a half year ago, I’d noticed that I was baking, cooking, cleaning less because I was working on my posts. To write one post takes me much longer that for somebody who is a native English speaker. I need much more time, and in addition I spent extra time preparing my pictures. So I feel like blogging is a part time job actually. On days that I didn’t feel like blogging I would catch myslef thinking that I HAVE TO write a post, because of the subscribers, and because of all those people that I might lost not blogging. Yada, Yada, Yada… And not enought that I was depressed because of PPD, I was depressed because I wasn’t blogging. Bloggin wasn’t funny anymore. I was about sharing my passion, but about getting comments, subscribers, numbers… It was ridiculous. Not that long time ago my mind started to work a bit more clear and I saw how stilly that was. Today if it happens that I do not blogg for a week it’s not a big deal, I do not panic, or do not get depressed. If I do not blogg for a week it means that I have a reason because first of all I am a mother, a wife, and a friend. After that I am a blogger… in this particular order…